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Question
Posted by: pvs | 2010-03-16

Advise ASAP

My wife cheated on me before we got married. I now feel that I must get revenge and go on and cheat on her so she can feel what it feels like. I love her to death and she is the person I want to spend my life with but I have this urge just to go out and do it. She was my first and I wasn''t hers. She was always jealous when we where dating and I had to throw away all my friends for her so that she can feel safe. I now don''t have any friends at all. I need someone to talk to, most of my friends where girls and she was always jealous of me talking to them. I never had the urge do even touch a other women when I was with her but now I feel hopeless. Every time I want too talk to her about it she start to fight with me and says she done it because things between us were not fine, but when I ask here why she didn''t break up with me she says she wants to be with me and kept me on the side. We are happily married now but I don''t know if I should trust her she said she stopped all of that as she could see how badly she hurt me but I don''t know if I can trust her, she even said she will go for a lie detector test to prove she is not doing anything but I don''t want her to go. I think we should go fro counselling but we don''t have much faith in her. I had a opportunity to go play rugby in Ireland and earn big money but I gave it up for her. I gave up my dreams for her and made her my dream but it seems to me like she is not appreciating it. I really need a friend to talk to but none of my friens want anything to do with me, witch I understand. Everytime we are not together my mind wonders off and it starts to think all bad kinds of things and the fact that she is still cheating on me. Im really scared and dont know what to do.I would like to get a female friend to talk to but I wdont want to do it behind her back. I am very down some days and just wish that I can dissapeer. I do truly love her and would give my life for her. I dont mind that I gave up all my dreams for her I just want her to appreciate it more. I think maby I am too young yet to understand it fully as im 22 now. I dont want to get anti-depressents . I havent slept well in over a year and sleeping tablets ont help me at all. I need advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Where did you get this silly idea ? If she cheated on you before the marriage - have you only discovered this now ? Was it at a time when you were fully committed to each other and a coming marriage, or longer ago than that ?
You know perfectly well that going out and cheating on her now is a lousy idea - it won't help anything at all, and is likely to destroy this marriage. And if you want to end the marriage, there are easier and less risky ways to do that simply.
If there was cheating, and what sounds like ridiculous jealousy and insecurity on her side - why on earth did you two go ahead and get married ? From the sound of it, she really needed personal counselling back then, and maybe some couples counselling sessions before deciding on marriage. And yet you speak of being hapilly married ?
Not having faith in her isn't a good reason for NOT going for counselling together - it sounds like a good reason for mariage counselling, and fairly urgently.
She was scared you were cheating on her, when you weren't, and now you are scared she's cheating on you, though there's no good reason to believe this is so at the moment.
Marriage counselling !

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-03-16

Maybe I''m just negative but I think you are too young to be having resentments. This is the time where you could be exploring yourself, living your life to the full!! You can even pursue the rugby dream if you wanted to, just don''t live your life for someone else. You are already blaming her for all your short comings but infact its your decision making which must be questioned. Every decision you make under the sun has consequencies.
Marriage is a blessing, only if both people are willing and available 100%.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Leila | 2010-03-16

You are not happily married and in love with your wife!!! Just read your post - you dont trust her, you want to cheat on her, you have no faith or respect for her.....

Marriage counselling is desperately needed!!!

Reply to Leila
Posted by: I think | 2010-03-16

Me thinks you should have clarified all the trust issues before getting married. Ow well....maybe others will help.

Reply to I think
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-03-16

Where did you get this silly idea ? If she cheated on you before the marriage - have you only discovered this now ? Was it at a time when you were fully committed to each other and a coming marriage, or longer ago than that ?
You know perfectly well that going out and cheating on her now is a lousy idea - it won't help anything at all, and is likely to destroy this marriage. And if you want to end the marriage, there are easier and less risky ways to do that simply.
If there was cheating, and what sounds like ridiculous jealousy and insecurity on her side - why on earth did you two go ahead and get married ? From the sound of it, she really needed personal counselling back then, and maybe some couples counselling sessions before deciding on marriage. And yet you speak of being hapilly married ?
Not having faith in her isn't a good reason for NOT going for counselling together - it sounds like a good reason for mariage counselling, and fairly urgently.
She was scared you were cheating on her, when you weren't, and now you are scared she's cheating on you, though there's no good reason to believe this is so at the moment.
Marriage counselling !

Reply to cybershrink

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