Our expert says:
Well, maybe the ex-wife cheated on him, but unless I misunderstood what you said, he also cheated on her, with you, so both were in the wrong. It's also sad hat for 12 yars he apparently had no interest in seeing his son, even if it were only for the son's benefit. Sounds like one of those very sad situations when a divorced couple are prepared to damage the kids in order to be spiteful towards each other. Why on earth should any of you want an innocent child to suffer because of biter feelings between the adults ? Sounds like you, and your husband, and maybe earlier on the ex, too, have been selfish and not thought of the main and most important question --- what would be best for the boy ?
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