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Question
Posted by: lostboy | 2011/06/22

advice please!

hi. im a 16 year old guy. i was diagnosed bipolar august of last year, i was admitted into a psyciatric hospital where i was put on meds and they have changed and i am now on, litium, epilum, serlife and welbutrin. and than comes the part that i need advice with, i started cutting myself and it got worse and well about a week ago i drank three sleeping tablets and i cut bad, and the next morning remembered nothing. i have let my mom down so bad and i dont know how to fix it. i havnt cut in about a week i am trying the elastic band around thr wrist thing but i still want to so bad. also another thing just if it is worth anything, i partially hate my dad, he cheated on my mom, and it tore me apart and slowly over 4 years i started to crumble until i didnt want to live anymore... how do i quit cutting? how do i get my mom to trust me again and how do i redeem myself.. and how do i let go off the grudge i have against my dad...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Generally, drugs don't help self-cutting, though talking therapies and counselling DOES help. I did some major earlier research into cutting and how it happens, etc. I wonder, if you didnt cut before your hospital admission, whether you found out about it from one or more other patients ?
Cutting is a method some people adopt at some times in their lives, which can produce some temporary relief when they either feel profoundly angry or tense, or when, like a blown fuse, they have switched instead to feeling a dead nothing. There are obvious problems with the technique, as you are discovering. The relief is only temporary, and it leaves ugly marks, that will last much longer than your distress, and will in turn cause problems of their own. And it really unpleasantly disturbs other people, who are deeply upset by it, and get frightened. Especially those who love you and care for you, as it seems something so awful, which they badly want to help with and prevent, and yet can't think of anything to do about.
Sleeping pills interfere with one's ability to form memories, so one may lose important information about such things which happened while under their influence, information you may want and need.
I'm sure your mom feels very worried about you, but not let down by you, wanting only the best for you. Between you, you will fix this set of concerns. Your intelligence and caring nature is obvious from your brief message. You can and will sort this out. But make sure you discuss this with your mom, and that you get to see a good psychotherapist / counsellor used to working with young people, who can help you to work things out effectively and efficiently.
I understand that you have been feeling bad at having discovered that your dad cheated on your mom, but please don't let this turn you to despair or giving up. Its all the more important that you gradually enable yourself to get things right and become strong again, so that you can be a support for your mom, as you want to be ; and so you can reconcile eventually with your dad.
You say you "partically hate" him, and I understand that. The useful way I found to put it into words, is that you may love a person ( so feel all the more disappointed when they act foolishly or wrongly ) but you hate the act, you hate what they did. You can help them to atone for what they did, and to more beyond whatever happened, and not to act in that wrong way again.
These are huge issues to grapple with, for anyone at any age, let alone a guy of 16 who is still discovering the world, its good and bad aspects.
A counselor can help you work out the best way to deal with all these elements. I don't think your mom distrusts you ; maybe she actually distrusts herself, feeling bad at not being able to fully reach you and comfort you and help you, and perhaps worrying that her own natural reactions to her discovery of the cheating msy have caused you damage. I'm sure she will be delighted to help you return to better than your previous normal, which is something you really can achieve. And maybe it's your dad who feels most strongly the need to redeem himself, perhaps feeling that he has caused damage to you and his wife, people he really loves, by some stupid and selfish actions. One needs to allow people the chance to redeem themselves.
I was one of those who, years back, developed the "elastic band round the wrist" thing ; and sometimes also use the method of using a Washable (!) red felt-tip pen to draw slashes across one's wrist that can be removed, rather than being permanent. These methods can help, along with counsellign to work on the emotionally laden issues, and finding a way to more comfortably break out of the awful moods that lead you to think of cutting.
You can do this, and I respect your determination to work these things out. Do feel free to keep in touch on the forum and let us know how things gradually work out.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: lostboy | 2011/06/22

Thank you to all of you... I will take what all of u said and try and put it to practice in my life.. I''ll keep u updated
Thank you for taking the time to comment

Reply to lostboy
Posted by: Kasandra | 2011/06/22

Cutting as with every other form of addiction is just your way of converting emotional pain into physical pain and then to feel the release. I know for me in the past it was easier then dealing with the emotional pain ripping at my heart.

So you cut you feel instant releave or take drugs, drink stop eating what ever form of you use. BUT tomorrow you wake up and the pain is still there together with the same and guilt you now feel for what you have done not to just yourself but the people you love around you.

Your mom is probably just scared cause she doesnt know how to help you and no one can but yourself. You need to find a healthy way of dealing with all the botteled up emotions you have towards your father and trying to be there for your mother.

I was also stuck between my parents where they didnt deal with their emotions themselves but used me as middle talking point. In the end you sitting with all the emotions and feelings and you dont know how to cope.

Talk to your mom I know you want to protect her and you dont want to hurt her more but but by talking about all you and your mom''s relationship will grow and become stronger.

Keep writing what you are feeling everything write it down on paper or type on computer.

Just get it out and feel those feelings.

Good luck and keep on posting.

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: jack | 2011/06/22

There is only one person that can help you, and that is you , yourself.I know it is not that easy but, when you think of doing the things you do, take a deep breath and think what effect does it have on your life, do you want that,and on your mother,as I read the one ancher in your life, am I going to let her down or not.What your father did is water under the bridge, no one will be able to rectify it.As a preacher said the other morning,get over it, by praying evertime you think of doing something that will hurt you and your ancker (your mother )
You sound like a intellegent young man, don''t let anything get you down, you are the creation of God, and God dont make mistakes.He loves you. I hope that these few words will inspire you to go only for the best. Good luck and remember GOD LOVES YOU.

Reply to jack
Posted by: Lee | 2011/06/22

My angel
So sorry to hear about your troubles. Please know that your mom is not disappointed in you - she just hurts for her boy. I hurt for you too and can imagine if you were my own how I''d just want to hold you and make it all better. Being aware of the problem and wanting to get help is the first step in the right direction. Others with this problem (like my niece) has come through this. With determination and therapy. Ask your mom or doctor for further therapy intervention. The good shrink here will probably help you more - take his advice rather than mine but know that the heart''s of all the moms reading here will go out to you and offer a silent prayer or wish for your recovery.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/22

Generally, drugs don't help self-cutting, though talking therapies and counselling DOES help. I did some major earlier research into cutting and how it happens, etc. I wonder, if you didnt cut before your hospital admission, whether you found out about it from one or more other patients ?
Cutting is a method some people adopt at some times in their lives, which can produce some temporary relief when they either feel profoundly angry or tense, or when, like a blown fuse, they have switched instead to feeling a dead nothing. There are obvious problems with the technique, as you are discovering. The relief is only temporary, and it leaves ugly marks, that will last much longer than your distress, and will in turn cause problems of their own. And it really unpleasantly disturbs other people, who are deeply upset by it, and get frightened. Especially those who love you and care for you, as it seems something so awful, which they badly want to help with and prevent, and yet can't think of anything to do about.
Sleeping pills interfere with one's ability to form memories, so one may lose important information about such things which happened while under their influence, information you may want and need.
I'm sure your mom feels very worried about you, but not let down by you, wanting only the best for you. Between you, you will fix this set of concerns. Your intelligence and caring nature is obvious from your brief message. You can and will sort this out. But make sure you discuss this with your mom, and that you get to see a good psychotherapist / counsellor used to working with young people, who can help you to work things out effectively and efficiently.
I understand that you have been feeling bad at having discovered that your dad cheated on your mom, but please don't let this turn you to despair or giving up. Its all the more important that you gradually enable yourself to get things right and become strong again, so that you can be a support for your mom, as you want to be ; and so you can reconcile eventually with your dad.
You say you "partically hate" him, and I understand that. The useful way I found to put it into words, is that you may love a person ( so feel all the more disappointed when they act foolishly or wrongly ) but you hate the act, you hate what they did. You can help them to atone for what they did, and to more beyond whatever happened, and not to act in that wrong way again.
These are huge issues to grapple with, for anyone at any age, let alone a guy of 16 who is still discovering the world, its good and bad aspects.
A counselor can help you work out the best way to deal with all these elements. I don't think your mom distrusts you ; maybe she actually distrusts herself, feeling bad at not being able to fully reach you and comfort you and help you, and perhaps worrying that her own natural reactions to her discovery of the cheating msy have caused you damage. I'm sure she will be delighted to help you return to better than your previous normal, which is something you really can achieve. And maybe it's your dad who feels most strongly the need to redeem himself, perhaps feeling that he has caused damage to you and his wife, people he really loves, by some stupid and selfish actions. One needs to allow people the chance to redeem themselves.
I was one of those who, years back, developed the "elastic band round the wrist" thing ; and sometimes also use the method of using a Washable (!) red felt-tip pen to draw slashes across one's wrist that can be removed, rather than being permanent. These methods can help, along with counsellign to work on the emotionally laden issues, and finding a way to more comfortably break out of the awful moods that lead you to think of cutting.
You can do this, and I respect your determination to work these things out. Do feel free to keep in touch on the forum and let us know how things gradually work out.

Reply to cybershrink

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