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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/02/08

Advice Please

My boyfriend of 7months has a 5 year old child with someone else (no longer together), he is a wonderful man and terrific father to his son. he has however mentioned several times that he didn' t want another child (says he was joking when confronted) i can' t help but think he really is serious. the last time he mentioned it i just had a stunned look on my face i suppose because i was trying to figure out what to say to him, he quickly told me he was joking and said he couldn' t do that to me. i' m 26yrs old now (he' s 6yrs older) and don' t want a child immediately but eventually i would. i also don' t want someone who would have a child with me just to make me happy as i feel it is a huge responsibility. i wonder if i' m just wasting my time or if we have different goals, i want to talk to him about it but i dn' t want to be pushy or make him feel he is being pressured...how can i confront this in a mature manner and get the truth about how he really feels?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How about some pre-marital counselling sessions with a couples or marriage counsellor, to sort out this and perhaps some other areas of potential incompatibility ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/02/08

Sit him down, and have a calm but frank discussion with him. He doesn' t need to feel pressured, as he probably already knows what he does / doesn' t want to do.
Just ask him to be honest with you. As long as you don' t become emotional, he' ll hopefully feel " safe"  enough to tell you what he thinks, and not what he thinks you want to hear.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/08

How about some pre-marital counselling sessions with a couples or marriage counsellor, to sort out this and perhaps some other areas of potential incompatibility ?

Reply to cybershrink

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