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Posted by: anne | 2009/11/26

advice please

Posted by: anne | 24/11/2009

my ex-husband sexually molested my younger sister when she was 11 yrs old. it has all come out in the open now- she is now 34 yrs old and does not want to press charges. i have made a statement to the child protection unit and am under enormous pressure from my ex'  s new wife who believes he is innocent. she refuses to define him as a paedophile as he has convinced her of his innocence. (he did confess to me when we were married hence the divorce). i am worried about my grandchildren one day (my daughter is 21 and my son is 16). Was i correct in making the statement and if not what else or what more can i do. my sister says there was two episodes, my ex insisted it only happened once. please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How can your ex's new wife possibly KNOW she is innocent ? She may want to believe that, understandably, but was presumably not around at the time. If he is a paedophile, presumably your children are no themselves young enough to interest him in that way - have you discussed all this with them, so that they can understand your concerns, and take appropriate precautions with their own children when that time comes.
You may find it frustrating, but your sister may just not want to go through the ordeal of testifying abou the abuse, and that is her right. But if she says it happened twice, and he says once - then he is admitting to a crime, as even once would have been an offense

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Our users say:
Posted by: anne | 2009/11/26

my daughter is now 21 and my son is 16. my sister and i went to durban to tell her last week, but found out to my horror that they already knew. their father had told her on her 21st birthday that I was accussing him and that he is innocent and has taken a lie detective test. we were practically told to f... off out of the house. my son refuses to discuss it with me and told me he only ever believes what his sister tells him. during the divorce and up until now i have kept quiet as i didn' t want my children to know. his new wife told them to " defeat me at my own game" . i have had my children both analysed 3 times by professionals to see whether they have been harmed or whatever else. 3 times the results have been good.

Reply to anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/26

How can your ex's new wife possibly KNOW she is innocent ? She may want to believe that, understandably, but was presumably not around at the time. If he is a paedophile, presumably your children are no themselves young enough to interest him in that way - have you discussed all this with them, so that they can understand your concerns, and take appropriate precautions with their own children when that time comes.
You may find it frustrating, but your sister may just not want to go through the ordeal of testifying abou the abuse, and that is her right. But if she says it happened twice, and he says once - then he is admitting to a crime, as even once would have been an offense

Reply to cybershrink

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