Posted by: Depressed | 2008-12-04

Advice Desperately needed

Hi, I' ve been married for almost a year and Love my husband very much. However we have a major problem. We were both Virgins when we got married and the problem we have is that we both still are. We havent had sex once yet. the 1st time we tried i think we were both nervous and didnt know what to do.. But a year later we still at the same place. We do foreplay but never do the " deed"  This is starting to depress me as i would love to have a baby soon. Is there anything i could take or do to get me/him more in the mood to actually do it. Or any advice on how what we should do in order to have sex. Telling me to relax or go with the flow wont help. I need REAL advice. Thank you in advance.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The best advise I can give is for both of you to become aware of your sexuality by reading and studying info on sex, sexuality and the body’s physiology. Please view the following site:

The first step to take in studying your own sexuality is to masturbate yourself and in the process become aware of what you find arousing, sensual, sexy and stimulating. Your husband should do the same. Following this, once you have discovered what turns-you-on, it may be advisable for your husband to watch you masturbate. By him viewing you masturbate, he will know what he should do to stimulate you and in the process learn how your body responds to stimuli. As ‘virgins’ he may be scared to hurt you and may also be illiterate regarding a women’s physiology, but by him seeing you masturbate he can follow your lead.

The second step would be to view sex educational DVD’s together or to read the sex ed books together. After reading them together, both of you will be informed about sex and can even practice some of the sexual positions / techniques together from the vantage point of correct and credible facts regarding human sexuality.

If all else fails, please phone the following helpline for the details of a sexologist in your area: 0860 100 262

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: PoPie | 2008-12-06

I never knew that are people like this in this world,I am still shocked! Good luck

Reply to PoPie
Posted by: Alex | 2008-12-05

wow!! this is a first.

Reply to Alex
Posted by: shoooo | 2008-12-05

maybe you' ve got vagismitise - something like that - where your muscles down there are completely closed - then you might need surgery for this. i have a cheaper solution for you: go to adult world and buy a sex dvd and watch it with your husband and the next thing you know you' ll be on top of each other - good luck hey, i would have been dead by now!!! not having sex for a year yet living with my partner? - that is hectic.

Reply to shoooo
Posted by: nir | 2008-12-05


It seems that both have a problem at first, however it' s best to seek professional help. There could be inner difficulties that need to be spoken about which is private for both of you. I am glad that you are ok but do seek help for your partner and go together.

Reply to nir

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.