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Question
Posted by: Jen | 2011/03/22

Advice

I am the mother to two sons and a wonderful husband but I feel like I am falling apart. The older my sons get the harder my life seems and the more I feel like I am doing something wrong. I feel I am not a good mother to them. I feel they need someone who has more in common with them. Someone who will appreciate their manlyness. I am just not beinf that mother to them. I always thought I would end up with daughters. I feel I am just not a boys mom. I hate sports, have no interest in sports cars and all the rest. I cannot stand that they love making awful noises and that burping is such a laugh to them. It sort of puts me off if I can put it that way. My husband is an excellent father. He spends lots of quality time with the boys. They do cycling, fishing and all sorts together and I do not participate in these sort of things. I don''t enjoy getting my hands dirty. I am just that sort of person. I feel so left out. And soon my sons will be grown up and out the house I feel I have not enjoyed most of their childhood. I feel terrible about it. I feel like the worse mother they could ever ask for but I am just battling so hard to understand a houseful of men. I love my husband and sons but understanding them is becoming too much for me. I don''t know what to do. I think I am losing my sons because the older they get the less we have in common and I am really battling to come to terms with this. I would love to be able to have that bond my husband has with his sons. Teaching them about life but my sons just seem to look at me as a mom, a female who yes they love but just don''t connect with. How do I fix this. I am so tired of doing the sport thing all the time. I just wish I could share experiences with them that I enjoy but the older they get the harder it is becoming.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I am confident that you are an excellent mother.
They already have an appaently excellent father - they need you as the caring mom you are, not as an auxiliary dad. And discuss these concerns with your husband, to get it in perspective.
If the kids were girls, I don't think he'd feel quite such a crisis of confidence if they chose to spend more time with you discussing fashion and make-up.
And in years to come, they will not only still appreciate you, but probably will recognize still more how much you contributed to their lives.
Meanwhile, start to prepare for them growing up enough to leave home eventually, by getting involved in other activities and interests, so as not to be so solely dependent on them and interacting mainly with them

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Helper | 2011/03/23

Don''t be so hard on yourself. It is a natural reaction for boys to align themselves in that " manley"  way to their father and they will take that father image into their marriage and treat their boys in the same manner. However what you must appreciate is that you HAVE been a good mother and your feminine influence will have rubbed off on them and hopefully will treat the females in their families with the same respect that your husband treats you. Remember, you do not have to change your whole personality to please anyone in your family. You are your own person so enjoy your individuality. Also, you do not have to put up with rude boorish behavior by your sons. You should voice your displeasure and do not accept it.

I''m sure when they take themslves off to whatever they like to do, you appreciate the peace and quiet while you enjoy your " me"  time.

Reply to Helper
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/23

I am confident that you are an excellent mother.
They already have an appaently excellent father - they need you as the caring mom you are, not as an auxiliary dad. And discuss these concerns with your husband, to get it in perspective.
If the kids were girls, I don't think he'd feel quite such a crisis of confidence if they chose to spend more time with you discussing fashion and make-up.
And in years to come, they will not only still appreciate you, but probably will recognize still more how much you contributed to their lives.
Meanwhile, start to prepare for them growing up enough to leave home eventually, by getting involved in other activities and interests, so as not to be so solely dependent on them and interacting mainly with them

Reply to cybershrink

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