Our expert says:
I'm not sure I fully undertand what you're saying. If you are now feeling very dark and low again, then there WAS and IS a very real difference between how you were on ADs and off them. One of the main reasons for remaining on them long-term when one has had recurrent episodes of depression is to reduce the risk of further episodes. And maybe, having removed that degree of protection, you have succumbed to a further episode of depression.
When usefully on ADs, they're not about feelign great or even good, but being able to feel more ordinary and not so dominated by one's low moods.
I wouldn;t say that the numb feling is th edesired effect of taking an AD, but may be an aceptable price to pay for the absence of major depressive episodes.
ToMaria, I don't know about "soft bipolar", or whether that's even a useful term. It's a theory, and for progress one needs to come up with theories based on observations of the nature of many people's illnesses and responses to meds and other treatments, to refine diagnoses and definitions.
We must also avoid geting mystified by words. For instance, there's a bunch of drugs we call ADs because they were first used usefully to treat depression. But none of them are specific, and the particula chemical effects they have can be useful, as we later discovered, in a whole range o other conditions. This doesn't mean that everything that responds to what we first called an AD must be depression. Similarly, other forms of ways of being depressed may respond usefully to drugs also used in treating bipolar disorder, without this meaning that they must be a soft or hard version of actual bipolar disorder - most of them were originally developed to treat epilepsy, but that doesn't mean that Bipolar disorder is a form of epilepsy.
Only your psych, if he's been keeping up to date, can most usefully re-assess your condition and which meds, including some more recently available, may be best able to help you.
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