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Question
Posted by: liena | 2012/06/20

adoption

Hello

How do you tell a 6 year old boy that he has a brother that has been adopeted many yeas ago?
kind regards

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's no prescribed or predictable right time to do this. As Maria asks, why is this something you're thinking of doing NOW ? Has he started asking ? Is someone else about to reveal this ?
From your later comment, yes, its hardly practical to tell some of the children and not all of them - they will inevitably talk among themselves.
Then I much like Maria's second paragraph as a way of handling this. Deal with the concept first, and consistently emphasize that he is loved and will not be given away or sent away.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: liena | 2012/06/20

Yes he is about to meet the older brother, my sister already told the 2 older children about the brother, because his a bit young she is not sure how to tell the 6 year old. The older 2 is one boy and 1 girl and they are 16 and 12 so its more easy. The older brother of 21 has the same perants as the other 3.

Reply to liena
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/20

Why do you want to tell him now, is he likely to have contact with his brother? My (adopted) daughter has biological half-siblings that she doesn''t know about, and we don''t intend telling her until she is much older as we have no idea where they are and she can do nothing useful with the information.

If you absolutely have to tell him I suggest you introduce the topic of adoption first, taking care that he doesn''t get the impression he might have been adopted. Once he understands this you can tell him that many years ago mommy had a baby. Due to the circumstances at the time (young / no money / no stability) she couldn''t look after the baby and decided to give him to a couple who couldn''t have children as she believed he would be better taken care of there. Also emphasise that you will NEVER give him away.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/20

There's no prescribed or predictable right time to do this. As Maria asks, why is this something you're thinking of doing NOW ? Has he started asking ? Is someone else about to reveal this ?
From your later comment, yes, its hardly practical to tell some of the children and not all of them - they will inevitably talk among themselves.
Then I much like Maria's second paragraph as a way of handling this. Deal with the concept first, and consistently emphasize that he is loved and will not be given away or sent away.

Reply to cybershrink

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