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Question
Posted by: Sad case | 2008/10/02

Acting desperate: repelling men

Dear CS

A friend once made a very true observation about me: that all i' ve ever wanted is to be loved and accepcted. This must be obvious to the men I meet because I' ve been rejected far too many times too bear. Am also just naturally sensitive - so I take the dating game and myself too seriously and expect too much.

Anyhow, how can I learn to relax around the opposite sex, take rejection with a pinch of salt and learn to appreciate myself more? Have been for cognitive behavioural therapy but it hasn' t really helped me in this department.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

At the risk of sounding repetitious, counselling is the only way to work on these aims. If one approaches relationships too seriously, even desperately, this is off-puting to others, and signals those who are predators, to take advantage of the situation. Counselling can help you to relax and enjoy the process, and not to gamble you self-esteem on every encounter. I find it hard to beleieve that competent CBT wouldn't have helped in that regard --- maybe the wrong therapist for you ? Xola's experience sounds practial an sensible

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sad case | 2008/10/03

Thanks CS and Zola. I' m going to do two things - try find a different CBS therapist, and consider a hobby that is less introspective than writing (something physical).

You have the right attidue Zola.

Reply to Sad case
Posted by: Zola | 2008/10/02

You are talking about me aren' t you...LOL.

I was just like that and a friend told me that I was too fragile and paranoid about love. Well, for me that was the wake up call - when I realised how obvious it had become. I felt so embarassed I made a Conscious decision to change immediately. I took up hip-hop lessons to keep my mind occupied by other things other than relationships and I am also very involved in my church. It has worked. I now don' t care if a guy calls me or not. And if he calls I don' t complain about why he didn' t call yesterday, I just enjoy the chat and don' t fight about silly stuff like unanswered sms anymore. And guess what - he pays more attention to me now that I am not needy. Good luck to you.

Reply to Zola
Posted by: Sad case | 2008/10/02

Oh, and how do I stop making it obvious that I' m so eager to please? (Disease to please)

Reply to Sad case

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