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Question
Posted by: H | 2010/05/05

Access to children

CS, you wrote on nr 930: " you should be allowed more access, and a court may also ask your ex to stop this manipulation of the child" 

My buddy is divorced and he pays financially whatever he should towards the upbring of his two children but that is about where it stops. According to the court order, he is allowed monthly sleepovers but this never materialises. His ex famous words were: " It depends if the children wants to go" 

He adores his kids and they have wonderful times together but when back home he battles to have telephone communication with them. To me it is quite clear, she does not want them to see or contact him and puts pressure on them in this regard.

When he travels all the way there to pick them up (300 kilos one way) after arranging it with her, there are normally other arrangements made for them and he is lucky to see them for a couple of hours, never mind sleepovers. She just pulls up her shoulders and say she cannot force them to go with him. But this is nonsense, she wants to alienate the kids from him (I guess they are 5 years and 10 years of age).

How do you proof that she is " terrorising you?"  How can you enforce the court order that says that you may take them away for weekends? Can you force her to see that it is her responsibility to comply with the court order?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Indeed, try the Divorce Support forum. And a legal opinion would be useful - as I understand it, if the Court ordered that he should be allowed sllepovers from the children, that should be allowed, and it would be a serious thing for the mother to ignore the court decision.
I understand the idea that the children's wishes should be considered importan, but where they can be so easily swayed by a vengeful parent, and / or misrepresnted, this shouldn't be the deciding factor.
And where a visit has ben aranged ( and apparently at signifiicant expense and effort, she should not be allowed to frivolously change those arangements at the last minute.
A court can be persuaded that she is ignoring the copurt decisions, which can even be considered contempt of court. And she doesn't have to force the kids to go with him, but to allow him aces to spend time with them and to ask them to accompany him without her being present to prod them to refuse

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/05/05

Try the Divorce Support forum, lots of people with experience there.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/05

Indeed, try the Divorce Support forum. And a legal opinion would be useful - as I understand it, if the Court ordered that he should be allowed sllepovers from the children, that should be allowed, and it would be a serious thing for the mother to ignore the court decision.
I understand the idea that the children's wishes should be considered importan, but where they can be so easily swayed by a vengeful parent, and / or misrepresnted, this shouldn't be the deciding factor.
And where a visit has ben aranged ( and apparently at signifiicant expense and effort, she should not be allowed to frivolously change those arangements at the last minute.
A court can be persuaded that she is ignoring the copurt decisions, which can even be considered contempt of court. And she doesn't have to force the kids to go with him, but to allow him aces to spend time with them and to ask them to accompany him without her being present to prod them to refuse

Reply to cybershrink

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