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Question
Posted by: BJ | 2010/01/17

Acceptance after Breast Cancer &  Reconstruction

How do I cope with men' s rejection when they find out I' ve had Breast Cancer? I' ve had 2 Reconstruction ops and my " Recon Breast"  has lots of deep and ugly scars. I' m single , never married 40-something.I never socialised much before breast cancer, now i am so scared to go out and get close to anyone cos men are such visual creatures and this is a lot for someone to deal with. I' m cancer-free now so health-wise am trying to build up my strength. But am so paralysed with fear of getting out there that there are weekends that i never leave the house. I' m tired of crying and feeling sorry for myself but my so-called friends don' t ever ask me out or include me because i' m single. I am the loneliest person I know. Advice? Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu seem to be meeting a lower class of men, BJ. Maybe sometimes what feels like rejection is due in part to your own seisitivity and feeling an expectation of being rejected, rather than a definite response on their side. Men more often feel uneasy that they don't know what to say or how to handle such a situation.
I think you need to see a personal counsellor, preferably someone with experience in this specific area, and the Cancer Association should be able to help. They used to have an excellent reach for Recovery program, started by a friend of mine overseas, a marvellous woman who worked out how to handle her own complex reactions to breast cancer and surgery, and realized all women needed and deserved such support and help

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/17

YOu seem to be meeting a lower class of men, BJ. Maybe sometimes what feels like rejection is due in part to your own seisitivity and feeling an expectation of being rejected, rather than a definite response on their side. Men more often feel uneasy that they don't know what to say or how to handle such a situation.
I think you need to see a personal counsellor, preferably someone with experience in this specific area, and the Cancer Association should be able to help. They used to have an excellent reach for Recovery program, started by a friend of mine overseas, a marvellous woman who worked out how to handle her own complex reactions to breast cancer and surgery, and realized all women needed and deserved such support and help

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