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Question
Posted by: Katryn | 2009/11/25

Abusive relationship - life threatening!

I have a friend who is married to a man that beats her so bad that she feels dizzy for days as if she has a concussion, breaks her ribs, threatens her life. He doesn' t mind people seeing him and will even beat her at work in front of her co-workers threatening her life and calling her cheap names. They have 3 children. She' s scared of leaving because he told her if she leaves him he' ll kill her and with divorce the same. She' s scared to even call the cops on him because she lives in fear if they lock him up and he gets out he' ll kill her for sure. Is there anything she can do? I can' t stand seeing her go through this anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is so tragic that any woman feels compelled to accept such disgusting and dangerous treatment from anyone. If he has assaulted her at work there will be witnesses, so he could be arrested if only she would lat charges. And if she had somewhere safe to stay, she could get a court order forbidding him from appropaching or even contacting her. groups like POWA which specialise in helping abused women should be able to help with more specific advice, including on the issue of safety. Indeed, there is a risk that a rat like that could kill or seriously harm her if she tried to use the law to safeguard herself - but from the sound of that, he is regularly risking her life anyway, so there may be less to potentially lose than one miight think.

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Our users say:
Posted by: alone | 2009/12/14

all good and well.i' m in the same boat. the funny thing is,that you do not pack up and leave. It is easier said than done. It is still the children' s father. You do not know what will happend once you leave!!!!!!!!This is not black and white. it is much more complicted.

Reply to alone
Posted by: Tish | 2009/11/26

TOO MUCH TV ANON!

I suggest cs' s advice.


Reply to Tish
Posted by: anon for this again! | 2009/11/25

Ok, This needs to happen before christmas. so you' re going to have to help her here. People will help, you' ll be surprised how many people will help. You need to plan this very carefully. And she will need to work with you - AND keep it secret from the kids till it happens (they might let something slip).Tell her to keep the children out of school for some reason, or fetch them early otherwise. The moment he leaves for work, you and all your friends go with cars and load as much of her stuff (Anything valuable or that she thinks she needs) as possible. Do you have family or friend in another town/ province who she doesn' t know (and therefore her husband doesn' t know?). If they are willing to help, then take her &  the kids there. Just before she leaves, she needs to draw all the cash she can, she will need it.

Take her cell phone, her laptop, her cards and leave them in the house. He can trace through that.She must take with her &  the kids ID' s / passports/ policies/ marriage certificates/ pre-nups. Then, place her furniture in storage (so she can get it later, and take her and the kids to the trusted friend.

Before you go, she must lay a criminal charge against him, and file a restraining order (they can serve him while he' s in jail) That ought to give enough time for her to be in another province by the time he gets out. Once she' s in the other province, she must immediately find a good lawyer - her husband will be financially accountable for the lawyer' s bill as well as alimony for her and maintenance for the kids.

Then she must find a good psychologist and start treatment immediately and to work out the next steps. She can change names, hairstyle, eye colour if necessary.

Good luck.

Reply to anon for this again!
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/25

It is so tragic that any woman feels compelled to accept such disgusting and dangerous treatment from anyone. If he has assaulted her at work there will be witnesses, so he could be arrested if only she would lat charges. And if she had somewhere safe to stay, she could get a court order forbidding him from appropaching or even contacting her. groups like POWA which specialise in helping abused women should be able to help with more specific advice, including on the issue of safety. Indeed, there is a risk that a rat like that could kill or seriously harm her if she tried to use the law to safeguard herself - but from the sound of that, he is regularly risking her life anyway, so there may be less to potentially lose than one miight think.

Reply to cybershrink

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