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Question
Posted by: Nikki | 2011/04/04

Abusive Relationship

I am in a relationship that is abusive. It is mainly verbally and mentally abusive but not physically abusive, yet. I know that the obvious anwser is to get out of the relationship and I want to, and I have also tried to but do not know what to do. I feel like I can not talk to anyone about it, I feel embarrassed for letting myself get into an abusive relationship Nobody truly knows what is going on although my mom knows everything is not as it is supposed to be. I know that I should kick him out but when I try he threatens me, saying he won''t be kicked out, I won''t get rid of him that easily and before he goes he''ll make sure he takes me for everything I have. And that because of me he has nobody an nowhere to go. The flat we stay in is on my name and I pay the full amount of rent and bills. Sometimes we get along, but when we don’ t which is more and more lately it is awfull. I do stand up for myself, I don’ t just take it but I think that I probably just make it worse. I guess my question is that I just do not know what exactly to do. I am scared of him. Any advice would be greatly appeiciated. Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

NEVER stay in an abusive relationship, but consult a group like POWA to plan a safe exit. Never be ashamed to talk to anyone else about the abuse. Discuss this with your mom, and you can use her home as a refuge. A magistrate's court can provide a court order to have him thrown out by the police if needs be, and a restraining order forbiding him from contacting let alone threatening you or your family or approaching you in any way, unless he really wants to go to jail.
Its not your fault if he has nowehre else to go. it's his. Make arrangements to leave safely, to have him removed and banned from getting anywhere near to you, have someone change the locks and add security, and re-take youw own home.
let him fend for himself, somewhere else.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Lin | 2011/04/04

You need to get out of this relationship - as you know. Threatening you and abusing you is just not OK.
Call POWA - 011 642 4345

Reply to Lin
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/04

NEVER stay in an abusive relationship, but consult a group like POWA to plan a safe exit. Never be ashamed to talk to anyone else about the abuse. Discuss this with your mom, and you can use her home as a refuge. A magistrate's court can provide a court order to have him thrown out by the police if needs be, and a restraining order forbiding him from contacting let alone threatening you or your family or approaching you in any way, unless he really wants to go to jail.
Its not your fault if he has nowehre else to go. it's his. Make arrangements to leave safely, to have him removed and banned from getting anywhere near to you, have someone change the locks and add security, and re-take youw own home.
let him fend for himself, somewhere else.

Reply to cybershrink

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