Posted by: Lira | 2010/03/11

Abusive husband

My husband has twice before when my friends whom are single asked me to go away with them on a weekend said to me "  Do you know that you''re married, does your friends know that your married?? Why do they want you to go with them? You have a family and they don''t"  I didn''t say anything since I didn''t want to start a fight. The third time again I said to him do you think my friends are confused about whether I''m married or not? Why would someone say that to their wife??? I asked him if being married means you can''t go away on weekends with your single girlfriends? In his defense he said you''ve said things like that to me before and I said well yes because you were leaving going to a mistress so I had to remind you that don''t forget you are married. how does that compare to him reminding me of my marital status when I''m going away with my friends. Please help Doc what is this?? Control? Mental problem?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sounds selfish and inconsiderate rather than frankly abusive.

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Our users say:
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/03/12

I don''t think he''s necessarily wrong here. And he''s certainly not being abusive! I can''t imagine my husband would be thrilled if I left him by himself for a weekend while I went off with my own friends. It''s the sort of thing you do when you are single, not so much once you are married.

So perhaps his response was abrasive, but try to see where he''s coming from. A weekend like that with single friends could mean meeting up with other men, etc. And it might feel to him like you''re jumping at the chance to spend a weekend away from him..? He''s clearly unhappy and frustrated and possibly insecure about the situation, and he might just not be able to express himself appropriately. Sit down and have a calm and gentle discussion about the whole situation with him, and be prepared to compromise!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/11

This sounds selfish and inconsiderate rather than frankly abusive.

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