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Question
Posted by: scared | 2009/12/14

abusive husband

Sorry i saw that i have posted my question in the wrong forum. Well here it is again.
I' m an afrikaans speaking woman,holding a 5 year law degree and has been married for the past ten years. Some two years ago my husband started to physically abuse me. i cannot remember as to what triggered it. i thought it was a once off and that he was drunk. His drinking became worse over the last two years and so the physical and emosional abuse. I am so scared of him and try to make myself invisable most of the times. But most of the times no-matter what i do nor not do,i get hit on. What worries me the most is that he is doing it in front of my children,of which the oldest one is 9. They have no respect for me anymore and i have no control over there behaviour anymore. The oldest one will just ignores me and says that i deserve being treated like this because i do not listen as to what his dad is telling me to do. i tried to speak to my husbands brothers and my mother-in-law,but they told me that i am making up all of this.
I so desperately wants to leave this relationship,but i have no financial back-up and no family. (they all past away 5 years ago in a car accident) I do not dare mention it,or cry about it. According to my husband it is in the past and not his problem if i feel sad about loved ones.
I have tried to aplly for several positions,but with no luck. I also then has no-one who will be able to help me with the children while working. I have started to write a book,but only during night times,so that my husband cannot see,because he will just get rid of it. I have tried to see a lawyer about my situation but somehow i have gave my husband' s former secretary power of attorney to sign legal documents on my behalf(which i cannot recall)and with that i have signed away all my rights to financial support from my husband.
I do not know what to do. I feel like an animal in a cage and it is not getting better. I dread going on holiday with him,because then the abuse is getting tenfold worse,because i have to be in his company for the whole day and i cannot stand it. Please help me! i' m contemplating suidide because that is the only way out for me.
Today i' m brused and battered. Was kicked from the car yesterday and had to walk home. Being accused of not speaking a proper german to his friends. i' m so tired!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are an inteligent woman, and you know that what he is doing is wrong and just unacceptable, as well as criminal assault. It is obviously bad for you and for the children. And he is no more likely to miraculously stop doing this than he is to stop drinking. It is so sad that his family refuses to believe this fact about him.
Do call an agency like POWA which is set up to help women escape safely from abusive relationships. You can obtain a court order to prevent him from harrassing you and to protect you, and make a new beginning - you are educated and qualified, and should be able to get work to support yourself.
Whatever happened in the od way yopu may have signed away some of your rights, can surely be challenged in court and reversed. There is no explicable way in which someone would freelly choose to sign away their rights, for no possible benefit, whatever the situation. If you were of sound mind at the time, you would not have done it ; if you were NOT of sound mind at the time, or under duress, etc., then the documents would not be valid. I very much doubt that any court would recognize them as valid.
YOu do not have top acept this bestial behaviour from this man, and suicide is NOT the only or even any valid way out. Nothing can stop you from getting proper legal advice and assistance, and finding a legal and safe way to escape, to protect yourself and to support yourself. Get the help you deserve and need

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/12/14

You are an inteligent woman, and you know that what he is doing is wrong and just unacceptable, as well as criminal assault. It is obviously bad for you and for the children. And he is no more likely to miraculously stop doing this than he is to stop drinking. It is so sad that his family refuses to believe this fact about him.
Do call an agency like POWA which is set up to help women escape safely from abusive relationships. You can obtain a court order to prevent him from harrassing you and to protect you, and make a new beginning - you are educated and qualified, and should be able to get work to support yourself.
Whatever happened in the od way yopu may have signed away some of your rights, can surely be challenged in court and reversed. There is no explicable way in which someone would freelly choose to sign away their rights, for no possible benefit, whatever the situation. If you were of sound mind at the time, you would not have done it ; if you were NOT of sound mind at the time, or under duress, etc., then the documents would not be valid. I very much doubt that any court would recognize them as valid.
YOu do not have top acept this bestial behaviour from this man, and suicide is NOT the only or even any valid way out. Nothing can stop you from getting proper legal advice and assistance, and finding a legal and safe way to escape, to protect yourself and to support yourself. Get the help you deserve and need

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