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Question
Posted by: Joan | 2011/07/18

abused step-daughter to attend wedding of half brother

My daughter was sexually abused by my second husband. My son from this marriage is getting married soon and has invited his father who lives in Canada. My daughter is close to her brother and sees him all the time. How do we handle a situation whereby neither of us want to see him at the wedding or ever.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hmmm. Presumably the son was Not abused by his father. Inviting anyone from Canada is a serious and expensive invitation. Can you discuss it with the lad, explaioning why this is such a problem for you and his sister ? Is he in fact aware that the abuse occurred ? If he is made aware of this, he might disinvite his father.
Otherwise, as Maria says there are only a few options. If her first option fails, maybe the third is worth considering ? Maintain your dignity and that of the occasion, without giving him comfort or absolution

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Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2011/07/18

I love Commenter''s idea. Go and lay a charge now and when he arrives have him arrested. Dirty swine ! No mercy for pigs like that, wedding or not. I''d love to be there when the cops bust his sad arse !

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Commenter | 2011/07/18

I think its safe to assume this has not been tackled by the family or the authorities - it is unlikely he could have got into Canada as a pedophile.
If this has just been swept under the carpet and the son has no knowledge of this it is not unreasoanle that an invitation has been extended.
But what to do now...........ignoring this may have enabled this man to go on abusing and maybe in future abusing his grand children!
Maybe its time to report this and have him arrestied at the airport?
This man should not attend as the safety of the bridesmaids cannot be guarantted.
As a family you need to sit down and discuss this VERY seiously.

Reply to Commenter
Posted by: XXX | 2011/07/18

This is a tough call but more importantly,was the abuser ever charged and if not,why not !
If your daughter feels uncomfortable about attending (which she will I''m sure),the brother should be spoken to.
Does the brother know about the abuse ? if so,he is being rather unfair in inviting his father

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Truth | 2011/07/18

It is strange that your son who is close 2 your daugher - his half sister- invited the abuser to the wedding!
Why did he invite his father if he was aware his sister had been sexually abused by him.
Why was this not discussed before the invitations were sent?

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Maria | 2011/07/18

It seems to me that you have 3 options:
- ask your son to un-invite his father
- don''t go to the wedding
- go to the wedding for the sake of your son and avoid your ex as much as possible. Make sure you''re not seated at the same table. If you come face to face with him, greet him perhaps, then turn around and walk away. Same for your daughter.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/18

Hmmm. Presumably the son was Not abused by his father. Inviting anyone from Canada is a serious and expensive invitation. Can you discuss it with the lad, explaioning why this is such a problem for you and his sister ? Is he in fact aware that the abuse occurred ? If he is made aware of this, he might disinvite his father.
Otherwise, as Maria says there are only a few options. If her first option fails, maybe the third is worth considering ? Maintain your dignity and that of the occasion, without giving him comfort or absolution

Reply to cybershrink

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