Posted by: Shell | 2008-11-24

Abused child now abusing others

I really need some advise here

My best friends little boy was abused between the ages of 3 and 5 by a family friend. As soon as she found out she pressed charges and put her son in counselling. When he turned 6 he was caught touching his female classmate and he was sent for counselling again.

Recently he was caught at aftercare doing the same thing to a little boy and as a result he has been kicked out of aftercare and is being sent back to counselling.

His mom is very distraught - She was abused and raped as a child by her grandfather who also did the same to her mother and she vowed that this would never happen to her kids and now her worst nightmare has come true - her son was not only abused - he is an abuser.

She called me up in tears because she feels so guilty because she feels disgust for her own child. When she looks at him all she can see is her grandfather. She is afraid that he may have inherited a gene or something that her grandfather had that made him predisposed to being an abuser.

I understand that he is not doing this on purpose and that he is not sick. I believe that it is not a gene - its is not heriditray it is a behaviour and behavious can be rectified. I just dont know how to explain this to her or how to offer encouragement or support to both of them right now.

What can I do to help her?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Tragic story --- but she really needs to sit down and discuss this with the counsellor, whho frankly doesn't seem to be coping very well with the task of helping this kid. Only someone who knows alkl the relevant details can advise properly on such a sad and complex case. You can tell her that there is NO gener that influences such behaviour, and it is psychological influences from his own experiences, that will have been relevant here. And if the current counsellor isn't able to be more effective, she should get a second opinion and a different thterapst. Such things are always easier to change when working with a child than allowing this to drift on until he becomes an adult who still behaves in this wsy.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mom | 2008-11-25

This is so sad.

Its a history doomed to repeat itself as I have seen/heard this so many times.

How old is the boy now? Maybe his mom should him about her abuse and how she survived and coped with it and that he can to.

Maybe he wont feel alone/dirty any more and then he knows he can talk to his own mom about what he feeling without feeling ashamed as she was hurt too. They the same.

Get a new counsellor - that one is not working.

Reply to Mom

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