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Question
Posted by: concerned mom | 2010/07/21

absent father effects

ok...i just broke up with my baby''s father because he has been continously cheating on me, i took him back over and over, but he still continued, so i broke it off, i was tired of the continous fights over this, and the health risks involved. i was not happy anymore, i was miserable, i thought i was going crazy...but was my decision good for our baby, some people advised me that i shud stay on, have my own affairs, be happy and keep the " family"  together, but this is not me, i hate cheating. so i quit, i gave up. i grew up in a loving family environment with both parents. will not having a close relationship with the father affect the baby?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like you have been realistic and sensible. Whether anyone cheats just once, guys who cheat repeatedly will continue to do so. Those who eventually stop are as rare as spotless leopards. Of course the health risks to you, as well as the hurt, were unacceptable.
Growing in a loving family with two consistent and loving parents is great. But this guy made that absolutely impossible. He doesn't sound like the sort of guy with whom the baby could have had a consistent or beneficial relationship. The child will have lost nothing by the moving out of someone not committed to the relationship with her mother, nor committed to consistent close loving care for his child. He has already deprived her of that, so his presence could add very little if anything.
Good fathering can be good for a kid ; bad fathering, or a guy who makes the mother miserable, is of no value whatever

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Bob | 2010/07/21

I believe you have made the right decision, staying with someone for the childs sake doesn''t work, it just wastes time and you will stay unhappy.
Good for you, you deserve better

Reply to Bob
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/07/21

My husband was raised by his stepfather. The bilogical father bailed out while his mom was still pregnant with him. Unfortunately the stepfather died he was only 14. From there he was raised by his mom and I believe she did an even better job. He is one of the best men I know. He deeply respects women, he does chores in the house and takes care of me and the children.
There are sperm donors and then there are fathers.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Purple | 2010/07/21

Its far better if your baby''s father is still involved in baby''s life.
If he is completely unwilling, then there isn''t much you can do about it, but if he is willing and is trustworthy enough to look after baby, then you should try to encourage him to do so. No, he won''t do things how you want him to, but he''ll do things his own way.
If he is constantly having affairs was it much of a" family"  to keep together anyway?

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/21

Sounds like you have been realistic and sensible. Whether anyone cheats just once, guys who cheat repeatedly will continue to do so. Those who eventually stop are as rare as spotless leopards. Of course the health risks to you, as well as the hurt, were unacceptable.
Growing in a loving family with two consistent and loving parents is great. But this guy made that absolutely impossible. He doesn't sound like the sort of guy with whom the baby could have had a consistent or beneficial relationship. The child will have lost nothing by the moving out of someone not committed to the relationship with her mother, nor committed to consistent close loving care for his child. He has already deprived her of that, so his presence could add very little if anything.
Good fathering can be good for a kid ; bad fathering, or a guy who makes the mother miserable, is of no value whatever

Reply to cybershrink

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