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Question
Posted by: Simphiwe | 2010-05-04

absent father

I am wondering if i was wrong, and what i should do. My ex fiance started cheating on me when i was pregnant after we had planned the pregnancy together. i basically went thru the whole pregnancy alone, he was there when the baby was born, the cheating never stopped, there is a day i found him with a woman, i was with our baby, he threatened to beat me up, so i left him, he came back a few weeks later to apologise, i took him back, it looked like things were ok, until i went to his house unannounced, though i had a key, he locked me out and refused tp open for me, he also threatened to beat me up for " not respecting him" . i told him i dont ever wanna see him, it was a mistake that i thought he could change. i told him he should not come to my house since i am also not welcome at his. i also said he will always be our baby''s father and that i am not going to stop him fom seeing our baby, he should just let me know if he wants to see him and we can arrange where to meet, i could also bring him to his house. i said to him it is a pity that our son has him for a father. he has never made contact since, he does not support him financially as well, and i do not ask for anything from him, by saying he is not welcome to my house, have i isolated our son from his father? would he not have made contact if he wanted to see his son? i do not want this man back but i wonder if we could ever have a civil relationship just for our son''s sake. should i just forget all this and wait for his action, if he is interested in seeing his son?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, he was an abusive, cheating, selfish liar ? Do go to the maintenance court to ensure that he is compelled to p[ay maintenance for the child, both for the child's sake, and to remind him that selfish and irresponsible behaviour has consequences and costs.
There is no automatic benefit for a child in contact with a selfish and uninterested man who simply happens to be the biological father. And someone who only briefly appears then disappears is more likely to be disturbing than helpful for a child.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-05-05

It is our responsibility to make sure that our children grow up with good role models. For your son to grow up respecting women he needs to be surrounded by men who respect women and not the other way round. By his father dissapearing from the picture you''ve been awarded a chance to raise your son with good principles.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: esther | 2010-05-04

i think you and your child is better off without him. i was told once that the most important person in a child''s life is the MOTHER. bad parenting can be destructive and toxic for any child- ive been there

Reply to esther
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-04

So, he was an abusive, cheating, selfish liar ? Do go to the maintenance court to ensure that he is compelled to p[ay maintenance for the child, both for the child's sake, and to remind him that selfish and irresponsible behaviour has consequences and costs.
There is no automatic benefit for a child in contact with a selfish and uninterested man who simply happens to be the biological father. And someone who only briefly appears then disappears is more likely to be disturbing than helpful for a child.

Reply to cybershrink

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