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Question
Posted by: Desparate wife! | 2009-03-11

About Husbands anger agian!

I think he`s secret life is part of his anger but less than you think.I personally think, for what i`ve seen over the years and witnessed him saying or doing, that most of this ager is about he`s parents divorce,him growing up without a dad in his life,he lived far away and they were very poor.His mom cant work with money,did not have any savings,and she was in and out of hospitals most of his life.This operation,that operation.Anyway she stopped working,they boarded her 6 years after he started working.There was no money to study.
She treated him like a huisband and noit her son.Always comnplained about his dad in front of him.Even when we got mariied she used to phoned and cry about something his dad said(she posted letters to him after he got mariied again a few years ago)Or about something that happended at the place where she lives( a sort of boarding house)Every timne she phones about her being sick and need to go to the hospital he is in a state of huge frustration and anger,saying " he wonders when all this shit is going to end" 
When i was pregnant with our boy,i took stress about him and his mom `s constant dramas aswell and told him he must go and tell her once and for all, to stop calling him about her problems,fix it herself or there will be big trouble!Its effecting our marriage.Low and behold its been a lot better,he told her he will not visit her again if she doesnt stopped her nonsence!
Anyway so,i know mainly why he is angry,he always says that he did not have al the chances in life other kids have and they were so poor and so ands so on.And that he also have dealing with his moms stuff for decades now!He cant take it anymore.
He cant take any critic good or bad,anyway he sees everything as critic from me,and doubting(sp) of what he telling me!He says i dont beleive him anyway and dont understand him.
But i really know him very well by now,and i dont always agree with him about what he is saying or want to do.He could not work with money when we met,i`ve tried to help him,he had a lot of debt,i helped him manage his money,we have no debt now,mainly because he is overseas and i manage the money here.I leave him a lot in his account when he is here to spent for gadgets or whatever.
The thing is just that, knowing all this,i dont know what to do about it,as i said his anger is getting bigger and more freguent.Do you think maybe he has hid it so well the past years that its only comming out now,or he doesnt care anymore to hide it??He sometimes speaks very downgraded to me,and i hate it,i told him so.But he says thats the way he talks,he cant see its wrong.But he admitted he has a anger problem!
The other thing is i always ask questions,lots of them,and i think thats one of the problems.He thinks i dont trust him or understand him.I told thats just the way i am,i function very good on a lot of information about stuff( i love reading anything from books to newspapers,i just like info)
So waht now?Oh yes i told him about 2 weeks ago we should maybe go for counselling,he just said " Mmmm" .We skyped!
So he does not seem keen on the idea!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh, but so many people seem to be feeling desperate today !
So you think his anger is far older than it first appears. You may be right. Interesting that his mom seems to have been capable of being less of a nuisance than he or she thought. Maybe he expresses his anger more these days, because he has, een more, to suppress it while at work aboad ?
And as for the prospect of counselling, Mmmm is a lot better than an immediate NO.

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Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009-03-11

I would insist on counselling....try finding a good shrink...go on his own and then the 2 of you together, I think he needs to sort himself out first and then the 2 of you as a a couple!

Reply to D

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