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Question
Posted by: Cassandra | 2009/12/17

Abnormal Sleep Behaviour re Teenage boy.

HI,

I am currently involved in a relationship with a divorced guy and very much in love. His 13 year old son visits often and refuses to sleep when his dad is not present at all times  thus the last few months they both slept together in the lounge so as not to upset the boy. We moved into a new home last week and we had to move a single bed into our bedroom, however when I turn in for the night (after having to do all my personal grooming etc , etc in another room) he is in bed with his father (our bed). I flipped out and we had a huge fight and I also lashed (albeit very gently) out to the boy which I actually grew to love. I recently found out that his father was commented by his ex for standing up for his son and not to compromise . I was also told by his Dad that his kid comes first and if he needs to sleep in our bed, so be it. I am devastated as I have gone out of my way to see that he feels happy and secure at my/our new home. His mom paid for a couple of sessions in Umhlanga to try and sort out the problem as she was living with someone at that time and that affected her love-life at that stage. . She is since single again and therefore the renewed mutual " caring parents"  conversations.. His dad refers to him with terms of endearment that is profoundly feminine i.e my lovey, my darlin, my sweetie, my skattebol et. etc.. Is this normal for this boy' s development. ? Please, pls help. ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like a dad with a very guilty conscience, not slavishly obedient to his boy, and not providing the structure and discipline a growing child needs. And maybe a boy who has discovered a marvellous tactic for preventing his father from having proper intimacy with any other woman. THe father and son should see a good local psychologist for assessment and advice, as this is far from a wholesome state of affairs for anyone

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/12/18

Sounds like a dad with a very guilty conscience, not slavishly obedient to his boy, and not providing the structure and discipline a growing child needs. And maybe a boy who has discovered a marvellous tactic for preventing his father from having proper intimacy with any other woman. THe father and son should see a good local psychologist for assessment and advice, as this is far from a wholesome state of affairs for anyone

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: mike | 2009/12/17

13 and sleeping with a parent is very abnormal, there must be serious fear/insecurity involved here, i dont think that a child can be that insecure and attached to a parent at that age without there being some external influence at some point in his young life that creates the situation, it even sounds like trauma is involved. you know how to pick weird partners, well done! if thats what his son is like there cant be much great cooking in his kitchen either.

Reply to mike

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