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Question
Posted by: 44 | 2011/04/17

ABANDONING?

Hi dearest old CS,

Apart from the Visser-Mother attack are you ok? You answered her very well i must say.

In december our years and years of caregiver did not come back from Zim and eventually i had to find another one. Problem now is that with her is all where Ne wants to be....24/7

I have always said that the maid/care giver''s room is HER ROOM, her privacy, her place for peace. I even told her to not let Ne come in she has to close the door.

Ne wants to be with her all the time. She lies in the bed with her, she''ll take her food and go and eat with her. She doesnt visit with us when we braai she is with the maid and when i send the maids food to her room Ne will come fetch hers and go eat there. If i say no she''ll leave the food and go there.
She stay''s there until about 8 when g comes home and we lock up. If i dare before the time to call or force her in the house and lock i am a " pampoen"  and a " bitch"  and " ugly"  she will sit on the floor for hours and cry.

I have tried everything to stop this but i cant, Ne will just carry on crying and throwing tantrums. Yesterday i had to work on a saterday and the maid would be in by 8 ne refused to stay in the house with the kids and wait for her she wanted the room unlocked and she waited there on the bed after putting the tv on.

You know the story of the Villiage Idiot? You know it was about kids like ne....they were chased out of towns and lived between towns in the bushes....when Ne does this i feel like she''s abandoned....as if she''s not part of the family...i feel like i''ve done something wrong in bringing her up...when we have visitor''s " where is ne"  oh sy is by die bediende in die kamer....my mother freaks when she gets here...

my sister say''s maybe the peace and quiet there it better for Ne than all the porras in the house....

I have even thought of firing the maid because this has never been a problem before the others understood when they go to their rooms its their time.

HELP!

Love Mom

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not that the famil is abandoning her, so much as her absndoning them, alpparently besotted with the new caregiver. Maybe there is a degree of peace and calm she appreciates. Its right to enable to maid tyo have privacy in her room, but have you checked to make sure that she does want this ? maybe she's content to have ne spend the extra time with her ?
If Ne mourns a temporary absense of the maid, can you imagine how she would react if the caregiver left ?
meanwhile, I really must write about it some time, I have been hassled for a week or more, as a crazy Stalker has taken up residence in my garden and seems to want to move in, and repeated involvement of the security Company ADT, and of the Police, doesn't necessarily help. He needs help he won't get on the streets, but they'd all rather dump him back there ( which means back here, haunting me and peering through the windows at night ) . Eish !

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Idea | 2011/04/17

How about the maid joining the family for meals?

Reply to Idea
Posted by: Regular | 2011/04/17

l think your sisters idea could be spot on. Throughout the years it has been evident Nes home life has been highly volatile and disruptive with family , money ,employment ,domestic helpers,dogs,romantic problems etc., caused by your lifestyle. Maybe she has at last found a safe sanctuary.
This is not meant to be hurtful mearly an observation. Hopefully CS will have some thoughts.

Reply to Regular
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/17

Its not that the famil is abandoning her, so much as her absndoning them, alpparently besotted with the new caregiver. Maybe there is a degree of peace and calm she appreciates. Its right to enable to maid tyo have privacy in her room, but have you checked to make sure that she does want this ? maybe she's content to have ne spend the extra time with her ?
If Ne mourns a temporary absense of the maid, can you imagine how she would react if the caregiver left ?
meanwhile, I really must write about it some time, I have been hassled for a week or more, as a crazy Stalker has taken up residence in my garden and seems to want to move in, and repeated involvement of the security Company ADT, and of the Police, doesn't necessarily help. He needs help he won't get on the streets, but they'd all rather dump him back there ( which means back here, haunting me and peering through the windows at night ) . Eish !

Reply to cybershrink

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