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Question
Posted by: H | 2011/04/02

A problem

Please help me. I am pregnant and my boyfriend is threatening to kill himself as he doesn''t want to tell his parents. He wants me to have an abortion because he doesn''t want to hurt his parents. I don''t want to have an abortion and when I told him, he said I am being selfish and so many people are going to be hurt because of me. We have had a secret relationship for 3 years because we of different religions and his parents won''t accept me. I have not told my parents or friends yet. I don''t know what to do. Should I go to his parents and tell them he wants to kill himself or is there some way I can get him help?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOur boyfriend sounds like a selfish, immature and foolish young man. Any pregnancy requires at least 2 participants, and you need both to take responsibility for what has happened and to work out the best options for each of you AND the life inside you. HE is being awfully selfish in daring to accuse you of selfishness in not wanting an abortion at his convenience. You need to discuss this situation with your own parents, for your own sake, and accept their upset and their help. As for him, he may be panicky, and ought to discuss this with his own parents, who can help tom persuade him to see a suitable shrink or counsellor. Meanwhile, concentrate on looking after yourself, as it doesn't sound as though he will be much use in looking after you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ML | 2011/04/05

Have you considered adoption instead of abortion??

There are many families that would love to have children that cannot...

Just a thought

Reply to ML
Posted by: PP | 2011/04/04

If you have abortion you will never be able to live with yourself, everyday you''ll be counting months, years, lookings at other children wondering how your one would look like.

Nomater what is your situation keep your baby, there is always a way, Next time use contraceptives.

Take it from me, i had my abortion 3 and half years ago it still eats me. I wish i can go back and change the clock.

Reply to PP
Posted by: Romany | 2011/04/04

You have a baby growing in your tummy. YOUR BABY, YOUR TUMMY.
I personally feel you should write this stupid spineless man off. Forget about him (Other than the maintenance he WILL pay).
Speak to your parents, tell them you are having their grand-child. They will be shocked and angry at first, but then they will accept it and everything will be ok.
There realy is no reason for a woman to HAVE to get married if you are pregnant, especially not to a looser.
Have your little one and enjoy. You may even meet a wonderfull man in the future that will accept you both and love you both. One that will not hide behid him religion and his mommy and daddy.
Good luck. You can do this !! Single parenting is more and more accepted every day. Women now CHOOSE to have kids and bring them up themselves.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Truth | 2011/04/04

HI Another View
Thank you for your brave interesting response. It is refreshing that you have the guts to reply sensibly with a valid option. Even though l am sure there will be some back lash to your posting l commend you for your opinion.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Another view | 2011/04/04

I am not trying to play the devil`s advocate, but do you have an idea of how your life is going to change? I understand this guy is selfish, immature and manipulative. Do you want to have a child with someone like that? Are you aware how much hatred this is going bring to the two of you? Do you want a child with someone who does not want to acknowledge you to his family? Why would you want to bring all this to yourself and the child? Do you not see this opportunity to learn, go for abortion and think very careful in the future who you have child with? A child is a lifelong commitment  this things impact children way more than adults. I am just saying, considered the abortion. It will save you trips to the court, family feud, single parenting, and stress! Just my take, do not shoot me.

Reply to Another view
Posted by: Truth | 2011/04/03

Forget about putting him first, this is about you and the baby.
Tell your parents and everything will fall into place very quickly!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Blowback | 2011/04/03

Summary: -

Religion
Parents
Sucide
Abortion

This is a job for Cybershrink!

Reply to Blowback
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/03

YOur boyfriend sounds like a selfish, immature and foolish young man. Any pregnancy requires at least 2 participants, and you need both to take responsibility for what has happened and to work out the best options for each of you AND the life inside you. HE is being awfully selfish in daring to accuse you of selfishness in not wanting an abortion at his convenience. You need to discuss this situation with your own parents, for your own sake, and accept their upset and their help. As for him, he may be panicky, and ought to discuss this with his own parents, who can help tom persuade him to see a suitable shrink or counsellor. Meanwhile, concentrate on looking after yourself, as it doesn't sound as though he will be much use in looking after you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Lily | 2011/04/02

Sounds like your boyfriend is rather selfish and trying to manipulate you into doing you are not comfortable with. He must accept responsibility for your (yes, the two of you) actions and learn that he is not the only one in the relationship. Pregnancy is just one of those things that you can''t get ''rid'' of because it will cause you inconvenience. Don''t worry - he will not kill himself. He''s too selfish to do that. Looks like it''s time for him to grow up and face the music!
If I was in your position I will definately tell my friends and parents. It''s a time when you will need all the support you can get. You must start thinking about your own well being and that of your baby. Good Luck!

Reply to Lily

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