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Question
Posted by: Themba Khumalo | 2013-04-10

Q.

What makes a wife to be a serial cheater

She does not care sleeping around sex means nothing to her

Expert's Reply

A.

Expert ImageSexologist
- 2013-04-10

This is a very difficult question to answer...there are a number of reasons that spring to mind, including: being 'addicted' to sex and cheating because she feels she can't stop herself; the tragic impact of intoxication if she has a substance use problem (ie. she only does this when very drunk or under the influence of some other drug); she could be in a manic phase of bipolar mood disorder (this is an illness that needs to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist - there are other symptoms that would go with this, not just serial cheating); and she could also be retaliating against something in the relationship with her partner (possibly her partner cheating, abuse, demeaning behavior of other sorts). This is not an exhaustive list - but as you can see there is no simple answer without a thorough assessment.


Claire - SASHA 

For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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user comments

C.

Posted by: Bernice | 2014-02-05

Firstly, she has absolutely no respect for hersef and secondly absolutely no respect for you. There is a name for women like this, except the ones I know about get paid for there services. If you wish to be happy you need to take drastic action to change the circumstances or you need to run for hills buddy.22

Reply to Bernice
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014-01-13

Wow

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Roberto eyes wide open | 2014-01-03

I met her at 17 (a great sex partner as I had a serial cheater for 30+ years) I am 16 yrs older During our cohab 3 years I ignored her cheating as I was also somewhat loose the 80's (you know) free love, do your thing etc Once 3 children were involved I ignored the infidelity but anger and the disrespect grew for myself, of her. She has been an excellent Mother and wife. The children are almost out of the roost .... and I like my black brothers see it is time (even at 70) to leave the HOA BUT I evaluate the impact of a 30 yr tolerance and hesitate to pull the trigger Shit I cant cut it off like I should /// life can be crap

Reply to Roberto eyes wide open | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: roberto | 2014-01-16

ok I searched the porn internet and founded my wife in 60 videos he had sold now I have to deal with this and I am in denial .. guess just a I fool ... by the way guys you are right once a cheater /// useless as a life partner but I can only do what I know to be right she is the lost soul

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-06

My fiancé is a serial cheater as well, caught him so many times and he keeps denying it and then wants to kill himself and says he is sorry etc etc.....I mean he would lie to me on my face and when I had the proof in black and white he still denied it. how can some ppl do that to people they claim to be in love with? we are still together, I know, stupid me. But he seems to have now stopped or is just gone wiser not to get caught. guess what now I chat up guys and talk to them when I am at work just to see if I still have it, because he made me feel like I am not good enough. I also feel it boils down to personal circumstances, those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!!!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-04

This behaviour could be a symptom of a much more serious psychological issue. One that neither of you yet understand yet and one that will require long-term treatment. But, she needs to agree that it is effecting your and your relationship first, and then agree to treatment. If she isn't prepared to do that, then you don't have much to work with, and you need to start looking after yourself. Well, you need to start looking after yourself anyway: define boundaries, define appropriate and inappropriate behaviour, and consequences thereof, etc. If you think she really may have a problem, get help, create a plan, include her in it, and stick to the plan. If it's helping you'll both notice.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

Strange how everyone is quick to jump on the bandwagon and "label" this woman and not one mention that MEN are most often the ones who are cheating in relationships and marriage. Nearly everyone calls this woman a hoe / whore / slut, etc and not one of you know her at all so does not know her reasons, etc. What if the question had been from a wife stating that her husband was a serial cheater? What would the names or statements be then? Personally, I get zero sex or affection from my husband, we do not have kids (and I would love a child desperately), and I have cheated with the same married man for the past ten years. I am the breadwinner and my husband relies on me 100%. Don't get me wrong, I do love him, but am not "in love" with him. Granted, we could always divorce, but that would just put both of us on the street as our marriage / business is complicated. Does he know of my lover - no. How often am I with my lover - maybe once or twice a year as we live 500km apart. So why is it at the end of the day that I am extremely lonely and heartsore (would love some cuddling in this cold weather), but I am a very successful businesswoman? It is because I put all my passion and effort where it gets results - I gave up on giving my marriage my all many many years ago - I cannot change my husband and don't expect him to be anything else than himself.

Reply to Anonymous | 3 comments (hide)
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-10

Don't be so easy to judge. I you are married to a cold hearted person, you might act the same.. You don't go looking for it, it just happens. The reason for this is because for once in your life someone else made you feel special, desired and loved. Like anon said, she loves her husband, but she is not in love with him. I can relate to that. I have kids. I haven't cheated on my husband yet, but have thought about it. I have considered leaving, but don't want to take his kids from him as I know that would break him. Is it so wrong to want to be loved?

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-06

If someone has her reasons for 'being a slut', she's still a slut. I don't say this one is - although it does sound like it. These things have a funny way of catching up with you later in life, so she desperately needs help before it destroys her.

Posted by: Chalky | 2013-05-04

I think you have put it well. In the beginning we all think we are made for each other but in the long run things change. As long as you are happy and you can manage it . Have fun in the sun like in Durban ,.

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

the most selfish person is someone who wants to hide behind the benefits of a marriage and yet behave like a common, cheap woman. If she still has issues to deal with she should rather not have got married and turn another person into a bitter individual. My brother even according to the bible this is one of the reasons where it is permissible to divorce your wife. Assuming you are still sleeping together, if you have a kid now are you going to be confident its yours? There is HIV these days? Please wake up and look after yourself. You will end up bitter and that bitterness will be transferred to your child if you have any- these small people can easily pick up any form of dysfunctional relationship to their possible detriment in future. Am no relationship expert just my thoughts. .

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

The real question is: Why are you still with the serial cheater? Don't waste your time trying to understand or "fix" her. Leave and don't ever take the little harpy back.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: BS | 2013-05-03

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Sue her for a divorce, take everything, hold nothing back.

Reply to BS
Posted by: Belinda | 2013-05-03

You clearly love her so much or else you wouldn't be hurt this badly and you are secretly wishing things return to normal.It will be difficult.Your best bet is to let her be and find someone else.

Reply to Belinda
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

So by your the logic displayed here, if he / she doesn't do it for them or something happened in their past they can go find it some where else.... please if you commit and have problems you discuss them like adults and if you cant find a common ground you leave. By blaming what you do on your background / circumstances you are just providing yourself with a crutch. No one is forcing you to stay - leave like an adult instead of whining like a 5 year old child.. oh my past made me do it... oh it just doesn't do it for me so I went else where .... Move on IMO best thing you will ever do

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: The drezzler | 2013-05-03

I don't know why would someone lose sleep over some cheap hoe. A hoe will always be hoe no matter what !!! Their only idea of fun is to sit on their backs with their legs spread apart. Damn hoes !!

Reply to The drezzler
Posted by: Carl WON Bronhaus | 2013-05-03

Whatever got her started on the cheating route does not matter. She probably met a guy a work who made her laugh, showered her with attention, took her out for coffee and basically made her feel good by giving her his attention to the point where she let go of her defenses which eventually led to her rewardeding him by going to bed with him Once she realised that sleeping around did not elicit lightning bolts from heaven, there were no repurcussions to her actions, she opened herself up to other men and realised how easy it is to be "liberated" i.e. loose. Whatever the causes, its done. SHe will never be the same person again, and neither should you. You can feel hurt, yes, feel very hurt and betrayed. But you also have to let go, live like a zombie for a few weeks, but let go. Let time sort things out...there are literary hundreds of thousands of men who are going through the same thing you are right now. Google it. Cheers Carl

Reply to Carl WON Bronhaus
Posted by: Carl Von Bronhaus | 2013-05-03

Look, She is either a nymphomaniac or her personality type is that marraige means nothing in terms of her sleeping with anybody she damn well pleases. Once she has started, she has crossed the line, in her mind she might as well continue doing it because she can never go back to not being a cheater. Once the line is crossed it stays crossed, she can never get back her "innocence" Lastly, you should get drunk, hire a top notch excourt (I mean costing in the thousands) somebody who is really good looking, enjoy yourself, get some recreational pills, go dancing the whole night, and continue the next day, meet some friends much younger than yourself. Basically, spend some time just healing, being free, irresponsible but safe, carefree, loose, laid back, easy going, spontaneous, don't care a damn, whatever type of person. Don't worry anybody can do this including yourself. Let time take care of the rest, fate has a way of revealing itself and making decisions for you. DO NOTHING NOW, JUST LET GO. Cheers and easy living bro.

Reply to Carl Von Bronhaus | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: Vinnie | 2013-05-06

I am a married man , had something on the side with a highly sexual woman banged her in excess of 1000 times over 14 months . She knew I was married and quite happy to bang away . What I realised is chicks like this never change and move on to the next guy once you done with them .

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

Leave her, everybody has an excuse but in the end you are the one who is suffering. Are you not entitled to a happy healthy relationship?

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

I cannot imagine the insensitive responses from obvious idiots who either do not understand the complexities of the human psyche or simply think with their loins. This is a very sad problem, and one that can only have hope by consulting a psychiatrist. Yes, it is "unnatural" in that it is different from what the majority of the population would do, and it is not "right" compared to what most people would consider to be acceptable morals, but if the cause can be found, there is hope. A lot of disgust should be aimed at those bed partners who actually participate in her infidelity - abusing the situation. My sympathies to her partner - but also the news that, with therapy, there may well be hope.

Reply to Anonymous | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

So while she maybe tries to sort out her problem he goes on suffering? Leave her

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

Join a swingers club... she'll get all the action she needs and you'll at least have some sort of say in who she has sex with... and you'll also get some action... win-win...

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

cant turn a goe intp a house wifre

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Povilas | 2013-05-03

Who the hell cares why she's like that, just leave that hoe, she will give you some serious illness and destroy your selfworth as man. You like being disrespected like that?Sluts dont change brother. run for the hills

Reply to Povilas
Posted by: Anon | 2013-05-03

Run Forest Run

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

@Andile - your comment is disgusting! I too am a married "serial" cheater but it stems from me being sexually abused from a very young age. It is exerbated by me having a husband who does not like sex which forced me to satisfy my needs elsewhere. Don't be so quick to judge someone if you don't know whats going on in their head or their heart!

Reply to Anonymous | 11 comments (hide)
Posted by: BS | 2013-05-03

Circumstances don't create a person, it reveals character. Finding excuses for your cheating is just plain being a coward. You shouldn't have got married in the first place then.

Posted by: GJ | 2013-05-03

I can feel the love.....

Posted by: Eugene | 2013-05-03

You sound like my wife. Except our relationship is shot because she cheated, not the cause there of. And now we are stuck in this because of our three children, with no love. Women like you should never have gotten married in the first place.

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

There is absolutly no reason on earth to cheat. If you feel you do have a problem rather leave your spouse. It is better to hurt him now once than to do it constantly...

Posted by: cuckold | 2013-05-03

Anonymous-this is the same reasoning my ex gave-that she had been abused as a child ( yet I did like sex)-so ultimately you are allowing the abuser to provide you with an excuse-convenient-isn't it!? Would you use your history as a victim of physical abuse excuse your physical abuse of your child-for example?

Posted by: Majozi | 2013-05-03

If he doesnt do it for you,get someone who will.Men have a tendency to neglect their women sexually just because they are married to them.Sex doesnt only end when a man cums,he needs to satisfy the lady as well.

Posted by: cuckold | 2013-05-03

You know-whatever reason is given for unfaithfulness is not good enough-if you cannot commit, then don't! My life has changed irreversibly since my wife cheated and our relationship broke down, and the one who suffers it most, is our daughter.

Posted by: cuckold | 2013-05-03

You know-whatever reason is given for unfaithfulness is not good enough-if you cannot commit, then don't! My life has changed irreversibly since my wife cheated and our relationship broke down, and the one who suffers it most, is our daughter.

Posted by: Pete | 2013-05-03

Stop blaming everyone else for your infidelity. It has nothing to do with your past and nothing to do with your husband. Take some personal responsibility for once. If you want to cheat that is fine, just stop lying to yourself about the reasons. You do it because you are selfish and that is where it ends.

Posted by: Me | 2013-05-03

That's a very selfish comment, your husband does not deserve to be cheated on.

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013-05-03

Hey, wanna hook up? :-)

Posted by: Majozi | 2013-05-03

What about not getting satisfaction from her partner?

Reply to Majozi
Posted by: Andile | 2013-05-03

Leave her, one cant turn a hoe into a housewife. Disgusting, run as fast and far away as you can.Bloody whore.

Reply to Andile

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