advertisement
Question
Posted by: | 2017/09/14

What is right for my child?

I have a 2year 7month old child, her father didnt want the be involved in the beginning only now after almost 3 years he is asking to see the child, he is now married for 4 months and he insist to bring his wife with to see the child. Now my problem is, my child does not know who he is and bringing his wife to see the child is not such a good idea. what is your advice on this matter? He started dating his now wife as soon as our child was born and since then he has been wanting to bring her with to see the child. this makes me very uncomfortable

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/09/14

As you can imagine, issues like this are not practical to research so as to get clear answers and guidance.  But anyone with any sense would understand why this has made you feel uneasy and uncomfortable.  I believe it is wise for the parent with custody to be cautious about allowing the other parent to change their mind about seeing the child, too readily. 
The basic principle must be to work out what is in the best interests of the child, not the current, potentially changeable wishes of the parent who chose to abandon the child earlier on. 
That he chose to ignore the child for the first 3 years of its life, and to start a different relationship so soon after the birth, strongly suggests he has had no genuine interest in the child for years now.
It is indeed odd that he apparently places so much emphasis on his new wife seeing the child, and one must wonder what is his motive. I wonder if this is what he wants or what his new wife wants.
What is the legal situation ?  Do you have full custody of the child ? Does he have visitation rights ? Has he ever actually tried to get such rights ?  If this comes to a legal matter, it sounds as though you have good grounds for opposing any proposal for him to be given visitation rights, and the court is also required to decide on the basis of the child's best interests. A major concern should be whether, having abandoned the child for so long, he would genuinely continue full and effective loving contact with the child, or change his mind again. It would surely be bad for the child to be required to form a relationship with an on-again-off-again stranger.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/09/20

I have not heard you say anything about how his parenting skills are. How negligent they both are. You have insecurities and are allowing them to cloud your judgement. He is an ass for not taking up his responsibilities earlier. Please involve a mediator to arrange a proper parenting plan and include a maintenance arrangement. His fitness to parent can only be determined after he has actually tried

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Phil | 2017/09/15

Sorry sent my response before finishing the message. I would however recommend that you arrange supervised visits at firs, until the child, you and the father all are comfortable with the new setup. Trust me, I am a single dad for over 10 years. My kids are 17 and almost 19 respectively. It isn't or wasn't easy letting them go to their mom. By the end of the day, their is two parents, and we can not choose for our kids who they can or can not have in their lives. (Talking about the parents here.) Unless you want to be hated one day by your kids...

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Phil | 2017/09/15

Regardless that he has been absent for 3 years, however wrong it might be keeping in mind we don't know the full story. By law you can not refuse the biological parent access to his/her child, and you do not have the right. Like you that might have or later meet a new partner, when one is divorced you have to accept that the children will be exposed to step parents. Go

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/09/14

I feel your pain having to put up with the new wife. It's nor a pleasant thing to have to experience at all. The unfortunate thing is, she is not going anywhere, and much as you hate it, sooner or later she will be a part of your childs life. The thing is, this has nothing to do with the welfare of your child, it is about your own feelings and insecurities and jealousies coming to the surface here. The discomfort you feel is not really about your child at all, it almost feels like you want to use your child to make yourself feel better. I do not mean any disrespect or ill will to you at all, I am just telling it like it is. The best thing you can do is come to terms with the fact that he has a new wife. Allow them to get to know the child and allow the child to get to know them. I know it is excruciatingly painful and difficult for you, but, do you really want to go through court battles and unpleasantness? That is what is going to happen if you are difficult. I wish you all the very best. xx

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/09/14

I'm not an expert, but have friends who have been in similar situations, either directly or indirectly. You are the primary caregiver to the child, and therefore you have the right to decide on the circumstances surrounding meeting the child. If he pays child support, you can only ask him very nicely not to bring the new wife. However, if he does not pay any child support, then you have every right to deny him access. One day when your child starts asking about the dad (which could be another 3 or 4 years) then you need to seriously consider the idea. if not having the dad around doesn't affect the child, you definitely do not need to open that can of worms, as it just confuses them.

Reply to Anonymous | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/09/18

WRONG! Maintenance and visitation rights are two separate issues. By law, the mother cannot deny the father visitation rights unless ordered by the court. The CORRECT advice is to draw up a parenting plan. That being said, the new partner has no rights to see the child.

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement