Our expert says:
This is a rather long and sad story. It is wise and sensible for you to have concerns here, though not enough reason to be so sure and so profoundly hurt as you seem to be feeling.
I don't wish to defend him, but when you write of "this betrayal", let's remember that he has apparently not acted on these potential interests, and betrayal implies that he has broken a specific promise or vow he had made to you.
I think the key thing in this is that you reveal that you yourself were molested as a child, and apparently you never ( so far ) have felt able to reveal this or discuss it with anyone. This is centrally important, and you deserve to see a good counsellor to help you work through this experience and stop it from damaging or limiting you freedom to enjoy life. It is probably why, in addition to your very natural concerns as a really good mother, about any possibility of your children being abused in any way, it feels like a betrayal if he has even thought of teens in a sexual way.
He does have something he also needs to deal with, and you have achieved something useful if he has said he is prepared to join counselling about this.
While some men who would never think of actually doing anything sexual with a young teen, may explore porn with such a theme, the elements of searching about "blackmail porn" and especially about what 10 year-old's think about sex seem uncomfortably specific and indeed troubling. That's definitely something more than merely "random" searching : he didn't do searches about the economy of Peru or the history of bicycles.
So maybe a useful approach would be to accept his expressed willingness to take part in counselling, and see a good counsellor together ( someone with more expert training than the usual church counsellor ) to work together on dealing with your very reasonable suspicions and fears and his part in this. You may want to think seriously about revealing to him, perhaps within that counselling, your own experiences of being abused, and how this has affected you, and why you feel so strongly concerned to ensure your children have no such experiences. Discussing that, and maybe enlisting him in the same effort to protect the children, may be valuable for both of you.
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