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Question
Posted by: SilentTreatmentAgain | 2013/09/11

Q.

Silent treatment

Hi CS I know you have responded to this question many many times and I have taken the time to read through all your responses to the various readers before posting my question. From what I can gather you and many readers suggest carrying on as usual and talking as usual and not showing the silent treatment bothers you. My question is how? Do I just talk to myself then (it is just him and I and now on 4th day of silent treatment). I walk in from work and say hello and get no response. I go to work in the morning and say goodbye and get no response. The evening is spent in silence with only me telling him that supper is ready etc. No response. It's like I don't exist. So HOW exactly do I go about not showing it bothers me? We have 2 dogs and I chat to them and at least I get lots of licks and tail wagging.(the joy of dogs!) I just find the whole silent treatment thing ridiculous. Yes everyone needs time to calm down after a fight (I asked him to please turn down the music) but 4 days? I feel like I am getting punished like a child. Next I will be sent to the naughty corner. The more it carries on the more I don't care and soon it just wont bother me at all. Then we might as well end it if that happens. I get the silent treatment often.

Expert's Reply

A.

Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2013/09/11

Well,  I'll try not to respond with the Silent Treatment !
To try and change someone's unwelcome behaviour, you need to try to understand their motivations -- what do they get out of it ?
He's using a very immature, childish way of sulking, which he hopes will make you feel bad and push you into apologising ( even though you were not at fault ) and then  trying to make him feel good.  If you look distressed and alarmed, he feels good,  he feels he has won, he's likely to continue being silent this time,  and much more likely to use it next time.
If one does not appeared bothered,  he's less sure of what to do. Its harder for him to choose a response that feels good for him. He may need to find a face-saving way to resume communication.  Yes, the sil;ence is ridiculous, the aim can be to reveal its ridiculousness in a way that gives him little excuse to feel justified in getting angry,
One can encourage this by, for instance,  cooing and sympathizing with the Poor Dear for having a sire throat and having apparently lost his voice.  Make him a lemon and honey hot drink,  speak soothingly,  saying you don't expect  him to reply, with such a sore throat. Ask if you should call his office and tell them he can't come in tomorrow, as he's temporarily speechless.
 Give him a notepad so he can jot down replies without needing to talk.
Play his music for him, but ask him every minute if it's loud enough for him "You only need to nod or shake your head, dear! " and keep fiddling with it, to try to
make sure its precisely how he wants it. Maybe he'd rather watch something on TV.  While he is, say you're sure that just like the other night, he'd rather listen to his nice music, and switch on the music for him.
Do everything Very sincerely and emphasize how hard you're working to try to make him happy,  which of course isn't easy while he's not able to tell you what he wants.
Make a fuss of the dogs, and comment pleasantly how loving they are, even though they can't speak. 
Maybe "forget" to make any supper for him ( have a snack before you get home ) and when he indicates he's hungry, be Hugely apologetic,  saying how you wish he had only reminded you !
See what you're doing as a kins mom patiently teaching a child how to behave. Caring about this in the sense of letting it hurt you is not wise ;  but becoming strategically immune to the intention to bother you, is useful.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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user comments

C.

Posted by: Jeffrey Dowling | 2014/09/22

Read my story ..... Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks.

Reply to Jeffrey Dowling
Posted by: Nate Maclean | 2014/09/07

My advice to any one who might be thinking of contacting a spell caster,is to contact Metodo i know he the only real spell caster i think still leaves his methods will speak and make you believe. I am not really that kind of person that disclose much about myself experience especially on the internet but today i am going to make an to exception I really never intended to say to anybody that i used a spell to get what i wanted in life not cos i am ashamed of it but cos some may never believe cos its seem like something that can never happen. All it take is to find the real and right spell caster. Am that kind of person that have always thought that marrying a rich man will set me free in financially as a matter of fact i have been married to to four different men all for money i guess after every divorce with every one of them i didn't as much as i expected even when there was no prenuptial agreement signed. But When i met my firth to be husband,i never expected i will fall for him so much i mean he was so charming cute and for the first time he made me feel safe like he will always be here for me not matter what happens. For the first time i was in love. Maybe i don't know what love is cos i never felt it for any one my ex husband the only detail i can give is that my heart literally beats fast when he was around me, anytime he ran his finger through my hair. I always knew my past will come to hurt me no matter what i do but i never gave it to much thought cos i never thought i will meet this kind of man. At the time i meant him ,it was not a while before the relationship became serious cos i bet he loved me also. We moved in together and our relationship just blosoomed. He was gentle with me always i mean my life was a fairy tale for a moment. But then again my past life that was to be left in the closet got out. I was so much in love to not tell him about my pasted life i just wanted to left him know like this was the person i use to be but cos of him i changed .He brought me to the light. I guess that was not the case he grew mad at me and thought i was going to do the same thing to him just like my exes. I don't know if it was that in the last 4 years i have been married four time to four different men cos of their bank statement that made him mad of was that i didn't tell him all this while. All the same after a while of not speaking with me he moved out. I thought he was going to call i just wanted to give him space i mean my friends suggested i did that but time few by with no call no text the only time he came back to our house was to pick his remaining things. The first man i have ever loved was walking out of my life just like a mist that comes and go i wanted him back to show him that he changed me to show him with him am a different person,He kept saying he would not want the same thing to happen to him just like my exes i believed he still loved he though he never said but that thought made me contact Metodo the spell caster for help. I saw positive comments about him and someone said she has actually seen, that is come in contact with him during the time he helped her. Was not really sure what to believe i just thought i was desperate i need help right away or i was going to lose my dream man for life. Like honestly i was not going to travel for over thirteen hours or so to look for metodo in were he leaves cos one i din't know anybody there and two my run my private spa so i had little all not time and it will be an expensive thing to do. I could not also get the materials he needed to cast the spell so i had to ask him to get them for me so i can give him the money to pay for them. Within the first seven week he sent me a some candle with some hand written don't really know what to call it but will say words to recite at night at the right hour. At that time within the seven days, Stephen started coming around all the time i mean i don't think it was coincidental cos really it wasn't. I believed what Metodo was doing was working. Just after those seven day i received a parcel with something he gave me instruction on how to use. This is no lie in anyway Stephen and i are back together now he is no slave to anything cos of the spell he is just the way he was before the spell only made him love me more and never talk or think about my past life. Not everybody will believe this more over its just something on the internet but my heart knows every of this word that formed this entire comment is true. Living Metodo contact for those who believes me and needs help metodoacamufortress @ yahoo. com

Reply to Nate Maclean
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/06/04

I am Mrs. Rhoda from new york. i want to use this medium to congratulate Dr solution ORACLE for the great help of spell he has render to my relationship outbreak. since the past 6 years i was in a relationship problem with my ex, he always get me beating, i never knew he has another girl outside the town, her name is ALICIA, until i got this great spell caster email address from the internet, so i email him and i laid all my complain to him, he promise me that i am to keep off away from him, and i really agreed on it, but being a spell caster, he promise me that my lost ex will be back,,,, he really put some few items which he uses to consult his great oracle, his plan for my relationship was fulfill and my lost ex was back again within 48hrs... please if you are in such mess or in any critical condition, today please contact him at solutionwhitmagicspell@gmail.com

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: JUDITH | 2014/05/18

HII EVERY ONE MY NAME IS BELLA PAN FROM U S A. I WANT TO TESTIFY FOR THIS GREAT MAN WHO IS A SPELL CASTER FORM CHILDHOOD.I WAS APPOINTED TO HIM BY MY SISTER WHO AS PASS THE SAME WAY I WAS PASS SO WHEN SHE SEE THAT I WAS HAVE PROBLEM WITH MY BOY FRIEND.SHE GIVE ME EMAIL OF THIS MAN NAME MR.AZZA I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HAVE BEEN SCAM BY OTHER SPELL CASTER WHO ARE NOT REAL DOCTORS SO I WAS AFAIRED OF BEEN SCAM BY SCANER SO I WAS EVERY CAR FULL. BUT ALL SUPEATED THIS MAN BE A SCAN BUT HE IS REAL SPELL CASTER SO AFTER EVERY THING WAS DON DAY 1.2.3 COME TO PASS MY BOY FRIEND IS NOT YET BACK SO I WAS WORRY IF I ALSO HAVE BEEN SCAM. SO I PLAN TO CONTACT HIM ON THE 4DAY, IT WAS 12NOON SOMEONE KNOCK IN MY DOOR AND BEHOLD IT WAS MY BOY FRIEND. I WAS SO HAPPY IT WAS MY FIRST TIME TO BELIVELD IN SPELL AND I HAVE BEEN POINT TO THE RIGHT MAN MR. AZZA . I WAS TOLD BY MY SISTER NOT TO GIVE THE EMAIL OF THIS GREAT MAN out. BUT I WILL GIVE IT OUT SO THAT EVERY ONE, TO HAVE ACCESS TO THIS GREAT MAN. FEEL FREE TO CONTACT HIM ON EMAIL DR.AZZALORDSPIRITUAL@GMAIL.COM OR CALL+2348O67083632 CONTACT HIM ON HIV AND AID LOOK FOR A BABY POWER AND RICHES PLCES CONTACT HIM ON EMAIL DR.AZZALORDSPIRITUAL@GMAIL.COM OR CALL+2348067083632 THANK YOU...

Reply to JUDITH
Posted by: gift | 2014/05/18

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Reply to gift
Posted by: judith | 2014/05/18

HII EVERY ONE MY NAME IS BELLA PAN FROM U S A. I WANT TO TESTIFY FOR THIS GREAT MAN WHO IS A SPELL CASTER FORM CHILDHOOD.I WAS APPOINTED TO HIM BY MY SISTER WHO AS PASS THE SAME WAY I WAS PASS SO WHEN SHE SEE THAT I WAS HAVE PROBLEM WITH MY BOY FRIEND.SHE GIVE ME EMAIL OF THIS MAN NAME MR.AZZA I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HAVE BEEN SCAM BY OTHER SPELL CASTER WHO ARE NOT REAL DOCTORS SO I WAS AFAIRED OF BEEN SCAM BY SCANER SO I WAS EVERY CAR FULL. BUT ALL SUPEATED THIS MAN BE A SCAN BUT HE IS REAL SPELL CASTER SO AFTER EVERY THING WAS DON DAY 1.2.3 COME TO PASS MY BOY FRIEND IS NOT YET BACK SO I WAS WORRY IF I ALSO HAVE BEEN SCAM. SO I PLAN TO CONTACT HIM ON THE 4DAY, IT WAS 12NOON SOMEONE KNOCK IN MY DOOR AND BEHOLD IT WAS MY BOY FRIEND. I WAS SO HAPPY IT WAS MY FIRST TIME TO BELIVELD IN SPELL AND I HAVE BEEN POINT TO THE RIGHT MAN MR. AZZA . I WAS TOLD BY MY SISTER NOT TO GIVE THE EMAIL OF THIS GREAT MAN out. BUT I WILL GIVE IT OUT SO THAT EVERY ONE, TO HAVE ACCESS TO THIS GREAT MAN. FEEL FREE TO CONTACT HIM ON EMAIL DR.AZZALORDSPIRITUAL@GMAIL.COM OR CALL+2348O67083632 CONTACT HIM ON HIV AND AID LOOK FOR A BABY POWER AND RICHES PLCES CONTACT HIM ON EMAIL DR.AZZALORDSPIRITUAL@GMAIL.COM OR CALL+2348067083632 THANK YOU...

Reply to judith
Posted by: monday | 2014/05/12

Pleas I am monday from lagos nigeria my girlfriend have been giving problem, she has not been talking to me for long. She has been living with for long I have try to get what the problem is but no respond............... Please I need your I love with all my life. Here email lightofthelamp@yahoo.com

Reply to monday
Posted by: emiily | 2014/04/01

I am Emilly from U.K I want to give great appreciation to the great man named prophet Abayotor who helped me in getting back my love who left me for 3years within 48hours, after been scammed by some fake spell caster which made away with my money.i was watching my television when i saw a woman giving thanks to this great man for what he has done for her,although i have been scammed by so many spell caster but i still decided to contact him i told him everything that happened and he just laughed over it and told me that my love will be back within the next 24hours at first i was full of doubt until the next 48 hours i had a call by unknown number i did not even think if he would be my love the next thing i could hear on the phone was my love pleading and begging me to forgive him and he promised not to hurt me till the rest of his life. I was so surprised and at the same time i was filled with joy and happiness, i did not waste anytime in accepting him because that was what i have been looking for, after calling, in the next 2hours time he came to my house and still pleading and begging me to forgive him the must surprising thing was that he gave me access to his account and everything that he have, for me to know that he is not going to leave me for any reason. Now we are living happily than ever before. So i want to use this opportunity to let the world to know that there are people in this world sent from God to help people to get back there husband e.g people like Prophet Abayotor, sir you are a great man. In case you want to thank him for me or you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: ajamugashrine@gmail.com. Once again thank you very much sir.

Reply to emiily
Posted by: Annie are you | 2014/03/28

I didn't know I was engaged to a simpering manchild until four months in. He exhausted me so much with constant rambling, fantasising and demands for affirmation (he's going to conquer the world like Alexander, he's going to be a king, plays the guitar, read two hundred books, coauthors a book, does standup comedy, coaches rugby, full time at law school and works full time, and FIVE children from a previous marriage). He literally sucked my energy away and I became physically ill. Then. Being incapacitated I didn't respond satisfactorily to a joke he emailed. He waited a week until I could talk and asked if his joke had healed me. I replied that in fact physiotherapy for a whole week did the trick. Apparently I didn't verbally praise his clever joke, so the next day he threatened to end the relationship. I responded by telling him he was trying to get me to feel "hectic inside" chase him and praise him. I assured him that I felt nothing and would do nothing. I called his bluff. He silent-treatmented me for exactly one week. For the past three days he's acting like everything's cool and trying to get me to respond to "hi, hi, well hello, hi" texts but I am not answering. Because that's a trap and I'm not walking in. I will never respond to him ever again just because he was annoyed with me for being ill and expected his stupid joke to cure me.

Reply to Annie are you
Posted by: Anonymous2 | 2014/01/20

Ha- very interesting cases. After I divorced my husband of 10 yrs after raising his children, adopting his youngest and his adopting my youngest, he raised the silent treatment weapon with not only me (a repetitive pattern if we ever disagreed) but also with my daughter. To make it more confounding, he claims to be a "professional counselor"- with an MS in Counseling. He has even claimed that he learned a good "bag of tricks" in "counseling school"- so maybe this is one! So he refuses to answer calls, texts, emails from not only me, but my daughter- and this has been going on for 1.5 yrs now. The sad thing is the rejection of my daughter, who he had adopted. She had suffered some major trauma from her biological father (an deceased former husband)- so this compounds a new level of rejection. I'm aware that this silent treatment is beginning to wear thin on me, though I understand the issues of narcissistic personality disorder, the fact that it part of the "bag of tricks" to hook me, yet for some strange reason, my vulnerabilities got tilted when our other daughter got engaged and had some health issues. I can't raise him to discuss general issues related to weddings or healthcare. His children from his deceased wife come to me as Mom and of course- that is a role that I wholeHEARTedly embrace as a life-long role. But good grief this gets. old.

Reply to Anonymous2
Posted by: Anonymous13 | 2014/01/05

I have been reading all of the posts seeking help because I am going through the very same thing. It can be over anything, even justy body language that can set him off and give me the silent treatment. Once he starts talking again, he always points out how it was my fault for him doing this. We have been seeing each other for 8 months. It was until recently I figured out that the "Silent Treatment" was happening. I would think he just doesn't care for me or maybe I really should have done something differently and would second guess my self and the ability to communicate in a loving way. After realizing what was really happening, I decided to head to the bookstore. I read many self help books on personality disorders and emotional therapy etc. I finally found one that I thought may not be so offensive and could approach the subject in a gentle non aggressive way. It is called Emotional Intimacy. I was terrified but gave it to him 2 days ago, when he was not speaking to me. His response: "So you think something is wrong with me", I shook my head yes and said please understand, this is coming from a very loving place, I care deeply for you and want this to work but you do have a problem and it is killing what we have and stripping away who I am. To my surprise, he admitted he does have a problem, does not like that he does this and said he would read the book. He started talking to me immediately and now it is a wait and see but I am feeling hopeful. The willingness to acknowledge and try is the only reason I will stay for now. I do love him but could never knowingly choose to live a life with someone that would cause so much pain intentionally and think it is ok. Reading stories of people going through this for 20, 30 or even 40yrs was an absolute wake up call and terrifying to even think I would do this to myself. I pray this will be the beginning of positive change and my heart goes out to all of you dealing with this. I would really like to hear from the ones that give the silent treatment, why and how you can do this, to try and get a better understanding and if any of you are reading this, just know.. it is so cruel. People in prison are put in solitary confinement as a punishment because that is what it is. Humans need to communicate, even an arguement can be healthy and bring you closer together so it is just so difficult to understand because my boyfriend is a very loving kind hearted person yet he does this.

Reply to Anonymous13
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/16

I think the silent treatment is pathetically inappropriate as a way to deal with problems in relationships.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/14

Its nice how people always just say you must leave a person and then the problem will be solved but how do you know if it will not happen again with your future relationships I believe life is one big lesson and you have to overcome this to move to the next level, I know your situation as I sometimes experienced it myself, for some odd reason it always seemed to happened after us spending a holiday with my parents ,,I went to speak to a therapist about it and she reckons my husband get s a bit depressed as his parents have passed away and sometimes he goes into his own shell to protect himself (nearly a form of depression) so I let him have time to himself to figure things out, I didn't take it personally and learned to enjoy the peace and having time to myself he did start speaking again after a while without me having to force or bully him, I have definitely noticed a change in him lately and I see he is not retreating as much as he used to a couple of years ago. My advise is maybe try to understand why is acting the way he does and what triggers it

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

I'm pleased for Anonymous that it did change in her case. That's great. However, as you can see from all the other posts here, that is not the norm. This time it's about the music, next time it'll be something else. There will always be something else. This guy has deep insecurities and unfortunately you are not equipped to fix him. This is no better than physical abuse and you should not be putting up with it. You deserve better.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

One of the wonderful things about being a little older, is that you discover what you want and what you don't. I have learnt that other people's emotional issues are 1. Not my fault & 2. Not my problem.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

Good news. He will change. I was at fault. I tolerated it for 23 years, and I shouldn't have. Eighteen months ago I lost it totally and told him, you either go to a shrink or I walk out. (Our kids are grown up and out of the house). I tolerated the abuse(which is exactly what it is) for the kid's sake. We went to one session together and had two separate sessions each. I still don't know what the shrink told him, but he stopped with his silent treatment. As a matter of fact, our marriage has never been better ever. Running away is not an option. He is just going to do it to another woman if not treated or shocked to his senses..

Reply to Anonymous | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: anonymous | 2013/12/19

Thank you for your advice

Posted by: Mel | 2013/09/13

Somewhere you mentioned that you are an older couple, both having been married before.... Consider the fact that he has gone so many years in life with this kind of behaviour, which he no doubt also used in his previous relationships. Chances are he will never change no matter what you do! I had one of those people in my life many years ago and they don't often change!

Reply to Mel
Posted by: SilentTreatmentAgain | 2013/09/13

thanks again for all the responses. I really appreciate the time people are taking to help. Darryl - I am sorry to hear about your past situation and I admire your honesty and nice to hear you have realised that this sort of behaviour only makes matters worse. This morning when I left the house I asked him to please think about what he wants to do i.e move into a jointly paid for place, buy his own, stay where we are etc and his reply was - 'I might'. With each day that passes something inside me dies.(as I've said before this is not the first time this has happened). And like you said no matter what my feelings are I will eventually just give up. And that is how I am thinking at the moment. Really - what is the point if he can't discuss problems with me like an adult. I said to him before that the silent treatment makes things worse and his reply was ' well thats YOUR opinion and this is how I deal with things'. As I type this I realise more and more that what many readers have said is true. that he has no respect for me, is emotionally immature and I am now thinking if this is what I want for my future. To answer the other readers - there are no children involved (we are both older and have previously been married).

Reply to SilentTreatmentAgain
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

my girlfriend has not been speaking to me for 3 days, everytime i send an email, sms, try talk to her in person, she doesnt respond back at all, all she says its finished... we had an argument and thats where she started to ignore me. i told her she must carry on with her life is she wants to ignore me, now everytime she says "no you dumped me" and i tell her i didnt... and im still getting ignored

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Darryll | 2013/09/13

I am a 29 year old man with some experience on this subject, by experience I mean I used to do the same thing with my ex... and I say my ex because after a while, no matter how in-love or loving you think you two are..you will tire of his crap. what happened to me? well as I mentioned we broke up... the next 2 years were the hardest of my life because I did love her and I lost her, a lesson I HAD to learn. I was just extremely immature in the sense that I had no idea what a true meaningful relationship was or meant. Our breakup taught me to have respect for my lady, communicate and don't be lazy about it or you will lose her. The heartache was insane but thinking back you know what was more insane? My ex putting up with any of that crap from the beginning. I am now involved with a wonderful women we both share everything about ourselves with each other. How did I get here? my ex gave me the boot for being an ass. This is my message to you, he will not get better or learn unless you do the hardest thing.. kick his ass to the curb. if he doesn't learn he will doom all his future relationships. I assure you, YOU will not change him, I guarantee that! however your ACTIONS can for any women he may get involved with in the future. this is a lesson he has to learn on his own. I sincerely hope this helps.

Reply to Darryll
Posted by: rayzor blade | 2013/09/13

It is just a stupid thing to ignore your partner for days.... My wife was like that and told her to get he act together or, it will be the end of US....

Reply to rayzor blade
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

To be honest this man has a hidden agenda. These type of guys cause fights just to get out of a situation or get in their cars and hit the road.Lock him out the house he will soon open his mouth for you to open up. Pack his bags leave it outside by his car. Leave a note that you packed his silent treatment in the suitcase together with his clothes. He is a sick a@hole Get rid of him. You are not mentioning any kids in the household. Hope there is no children involved in this relationship.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

DUMP HIM. He will NEVER change.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

I will bet my bottom dollar that this man is a Cancerian.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anon | 2013/09/13

It's a form of manipulation - Plain and simple. The more you pussy foot around him, the more he'll know for future reference that this type of action gets a reaction out of you which is exactly what he is looking for. Save yourself now before you look back on years of your life that you've wasted.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: C.W. | 2013/09/13

This behaviour is that of an individual with a very low emotional quotient who resorts to pre- adolescent manipulative tactics as he is unable to express himself in an adult way.. I disagree with CS advice which, because of the above, and as he is already acting out due to feeling dis-empowered (the causative reasons will most likely be years long if not life long), your resorting to actually treating him like a child will most assuredly be interpreted as sarcastic, infuriating, superior, taunting-- serving only to increase his internal anger, and could in fact provoke your boyfriend to resorting to physical abuse to express his frustration.. This is the probable next step as those who have a low self esteem and EQ, are absolutely unable to express themselves in an adult way. You need to assess what you want out of a relationship, make sure you give it, and then decide whether this relationship hasn't become too toxic to save. A 10 minute silence is wise if it prevents one saying things in the heat of an argument--that can never be retracted and that one will regret or really didnt mean. Silent treatment for longer is more indicative of an individual that has no inner resource to respond in an adult, mature way using reason and logic. Work out what YOU want and need, make sure yo are prepared to GIVE the same...and move on emotioanlly if you feel there is no hope. Life is short.

Reply to C.W.
Posted by: Athena | 2013/09/13

Give him a choice: pull yourself together or GTFO. Sounds like he has a king sized inferiority complex coupled with a stingy streak. Tread very carefully. As another person here said, once you have kids, it becomes very difficult to leave.

Reply to Athena
Posted by: Get out! | 2013/09/13

Are you sure he is a man? There is no such thing as sulking for men. The only reason a man gets to sulk is..........never!!!! Women, little girls, and my wife's cat, they all sulk but a man never sulks!!! Why are you with him?

Reply to Get out!
Posted by: SilentTreatmentAgain | 2013/09/13

Wow. I was not expecting such a response. Many thanks to everyone. To give an update - I got home last night and didn't say hello. I just went about my chores etc. Then after a while I thought stuff it so I sat down next to him and tried to talk. Eventually he said he doesnt like being in a position where he has no choices. He said that because it's my house I get the final decision. So in other words if he owned the house or we owned it jointly and I had asked him to turn down the music he would have felt he would have a right to say no. But because I own it he had to turn it down. Basically its not about the music at all. He has a problem with it being my house and he feels he doesnt have a say. The only way to resolve this is either he buys a place and we move in there or we rent a place together. I told him the choices and he doesn't seem to like either. He is living with me very cheaply and if we move and jointly own/rent somewhere then he will have to pay more. So if I'm seeing this correctly he wants to stay at my place but wants more say? Once again I have never said he needs to ask me to do anything but I understand that if I am the one who owns the place then yes perhaps I have the right to have the final say? Or don't i? And as one of the other responders said I do have a good job, earn more (he's not working but has some money in the bank he lives off) and am generally in a better position. I don't know anymore. I can't figure it out. Must I just agree to any suggestions he makes to change things in the house? I feel like I am getting punished for owning a house? WTF

Reply to SilentTreatmentAgain | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: doreen | 2013/09/13

Kick him out. This isn't working. He is going to continually punish you for doing better than him, whether you move into another place or not.

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

Really!!!!!! Leave the partner - Four Days??????? No, you do not want to spend the rest of your life living with that kind of immaturity

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

My husband also does this, it is not uncommon for him to give me the silent treatment for up to 2 weeks. He has been doing this for nearly 15 years - I sometimes feel pathetic for staying with him and for letting him treat me like this. It is difficult though cause we have two children. Every time he does this, it kills our marriage bit by bit and it is harder for me to "forgive" him. He doesn't feel that there is anything wrong with this - it is his way of dealing with things. Once we went out with friends during his spell and I was so embarrassed as he wasn't much nicer towards them. He says I can be glad that he only ignores me for a short period, he once ignored his stepmother and his father for 9 months - yah for me!! I really think that it is a form of abuse.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

I would not be willing to be in an uncomfortable situation in my own home. Where would I go? I have been in this situation before and I told my boyfriend to pack his things and leave. He started talking very quickly thereafter. The point is that your home is the only place that you have to feel safe and if others make that safe place uncomfortable for you, what are you going to do?

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

Seriously!!! You asked him to turn the music down and he starts to act like a spoiled 5 year old. CS in all honesty it is not the partners responsibility in any way, shape or form to mother the other one just because he can't over come his sulky, childish behaviour. If this is how he reacts to a minor conflict (if you can even call it that) then what on earth is his behaviour going to be like in times of REAL conflict and crisis. If he's going to act like a spoiled brat, then send him back to his mother. Whatever you do, don't YOU leave the house to stay with someone else, it is YOUR house. If his behaviour has anything to do with him maybe feeling a little bit inferior because of the fact that you own property, have a better paying job, etc then he needs to work that out for himself and soon, there is nothing that you can do about it other than reinforcing the fact that it's not something that bothers you if you feel that there is a fair enough contribution from his side. Since you've mentioned his absolute disinterest in couple's therapy it may actually be time to realise that you might be better off without him. At the end of the day, it's still emotional abuse and no one deserves to put up with it.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Toby | 2013/09/13

Is there someone else you can stay with for a few days? If so, tell him you need comapany so you'll be back when he's got his voice back or after he has moved out. That should help him recover promptly - or if he decides to move out: good ridance!

Reply to Toby
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

Have you tried a blow job

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

Not going to change, my Dad is now 82 years old, still the silent treatment that I was born and raised with, my dearest Mother had to take this for 46 years! Wow what an amazing person she was!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Woz | 2013/09/13

I think you need to decide what type of relationship you want. If you want a relationship where there's a lot of interaction between you and him then you need to get the lines of communication going. To do this you have to get him to talk to you. It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong. The only way of getting to the bottom of what's happening, is to talk...and to listen. You need to be prepared to hear what he has to say without interruptions. Remember that it doesn't matter who is in the right. I suspect some undercurrents that are not being brought out into the open. When you get him talking then you can let him know that you don't solve problems in this way. When I give my wife the silent treatment it's because there can be so much pent up anger in me that it's best to keep quiet for a while. If I open up before I'm ready then I'll only say things that I will regret later.

Reply to Woz
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/13

He is a manipulating, controlling person, that is out to destroy you physically and mentally. RUN

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anon2 | 2013/09/12

There seems to be a display for demand of authority in his behaviour. Probably a sense of inferiority or insecurity on his side is making him treat the woman in such a degrading manner. If she is more progressive a person than he is, he probably cannot reveal his emotions verbally and uses his silence to punish her.

Reply to Anon2
Posted by: Ohm Voltenamp | 2013/09/12

His lack of communication with you could mean that he simply does not want to interact with you at this point in time or he is simply having to bit his tongue to avoid a devastating an argument. He could be brooding over a number of things bothering him, of which internalizing them and remaining silent may be the only we he knows how to deal with them. Do not try aggravate him, it will just get worse. Leave him to his own devices, he will either calm down and return to normal, or speak up about what is bothering him. Good luck!

Reply to Ohm Voltenamp
Posted by: Wendy | 2013/09/12

So many people are telling you to get out and save your sanity but alas, I can predict (from experience) that you won't. Not for a long time anyway. My ex-husband used to do the exact same thing to me over the silliest things, for weeks on end. To add insult to injury he would stay out until the early morning hours, go home during the day and switch off all the lights so that I would come home to a pitch dark house, remove keys from doors so I couldn't lock a door if I wanted take a shower and sometimes I would come home and switch on lights as far as I went to find him sitting silently in the lounge, in the dark, ominously plotting. I was a nervous wreck, could eat sleep or concentrate. I didn't know if he perhaps gave the house keys to someone to wait for me in the dark and finish me off. Crazy, scary things go through your mind. Needless to say, I divorced him. We were together for 11 years and it never changed, he never changed. I have been a different person since I left him. I was sad about the failure of our marriage but I have found peace and happiness in myself and I refuse to give it up again. So stay with him and tolerate it.Try to change him and do everything you can to save the relationship because we never just want to give up without trying. Play the ridiculous games CyberShrink suggested, just to know you tried everything. But be sure, he will never change, the mind games and controlling will never change and you will just become increasingly unhappy until one day when you will wake up and decide to take back your peace before you get too old to enjoy it. Good luck, you're surely going to need it. I know. I was just like you.

Reply to Wendy
Posted by: Athena | 2013/09/12

Do you really want a relationship that involves psychological warfare? If he isn't interested in talking out his grievances, think long and hard about making a life with this man or you may be miserable for the rest of your life.Because the rest of your life can be soooooo long if you live with a sulker and if he sulks over something so trivial, how is he going to be under real stress, like when your baby won't stop crying?

Reply to Athena
Posted by: Tracy | 2013/09/12

Dear SilentTreatmentAgain It will never change, trust me on that. My ex husband didn't talk to me for six weeks because he found out about some minor boyfriend I'd dated (before I even knew my then husband was even alive) SIX WEEKS! That was one of MANY times I got the silent treatment, also for the most mundane, ridiculous things you can imagine. I didn't put raisins in his curry once and also got the silent treatment for a couple of weeks. I can totally relate and sympathise with you. You'll note I said my ex husband. We were divorced earlier this year. This treatment of you is a control thing. It will not change. He has a lot of growing up to do. The fact that your boyfriend has "tried" therapy but scoffs at it and the expense shows that he's NOT willing to make an investment in you both. So tell him to pack his bags and get out of YOUR home. Short term heartache maybe... but it will save you in the long run. I can not emphasise enough how this will NOT get better. I remember talking to my therapist about how I was being given the silent treatment. She shook her head and said "if somebody loves you, they don't treat you this way. Do you honestly think this man loves you by the way he treats you?" That jolted me, but I STILL didn't listen.

Reply to Tracy
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/12

He is acting invisible so treat him as if he is invisible. Cook one portion of his favorite food and eat it yourself in front of him. Do NOTHING for him. Get all dressed up and go out without comment. Pile up any mess he makes on his side of the bed.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: mabra | 2013/09/12

run away its not an option, get to the bottom of it rather.

Reply to mabra
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/12

I would suggest a slap against his head, but that would be child abuse. So, this is what you do - while he is out, pack his bags and place them outside the door. Get a new lock on the door and then give him the silent treatment when he whines...

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Drien | 2013/09/12

Email the link of this article to his work email address so that he could see what others think of his childishness !!

Reply to Drien
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/12

What kind of puerile advise is this cyber shrink giving??? Holy Hell! This whole thing is about control. His passive aggressive behaviour is meant to make you feel uncomfortable. It's meant to break you. It is the worst kind of controlling behaviour. Honestly, if this is how you plan to spend your life then suck it up and stop complaining. On the other hand, if you want a constructive relationship between equals get out now because this will not get better. Ever.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Steve | 2013/09/12

The difficult situation your partner is in now is how to turn from silent treatment back into his "normal loving" self. This is a very difficult situation and sadly I do not see a happy ending here. I was in a similar relationship and eventually just gave up and asked the partner to move into the other bedroom and find another place to stay. This behaviour will never change and you should not be the unhappy party. Good luck!

Reply to Steve
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/12

dump his ass

Reply to Anonymous | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/16

Phew, that seems harsh.

Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/12

Seriously? This not about getting him to talk. This is about fast-tracking a grown-ass man's journey from childhood to adulthood. It is about changing who he is. And THAT I'm afraid is not an easy task. He is a loser - seriously. Pack your stuff and quit wasting your time with the boy.

Reply to Anonymous | 1 comment (hide)
Posted by: Truth | 2014/04/06

anonymous, you are stupid and most likely 99.9% a woman. why did you immediately bash the gender of the man? it's simple, because you are a stupid woman. what made you think he was not mature and why did you suggest that he needed to be turned from a boy into man when you do not know him? it's simple. simply because you are authentically and naturally stupid. funny thing is you probably have experienced this and you did not follow the advice you yourself are giving. because you are stupid. did you ever think to have the man in subject to explain his side of the situation. after all, all that we have is the one sided story of this lady. the same you are giving, which will likely 99.9% ruin their relationship, i am sure you will not pack your backs and move out. you know your situation very well but you dot know the 100% truth of the matter. you did not bother to ask. because you are a moron who is most likely 99.9% lonely sad and lifeless deep down. if you had any wisdom as small as a grain of mustard seed, you will find that just as much as every little advice helps, the little advice such as yours can also destroy. PEACE

Posted by: SilentTreatmentAgain | 2013/09/12

To the other anonymous - thanks for your reply. You are quite right it does seem to be another underlying issue and that seems to be that where we live is not HIS. I think perhaps he feels like he has no say in anything but that is totally wrong and I have repeatedly tried to make him feel like he does have a say in things. Again I have NEVER EVER used the 'Its MY house so do as I say' arguement. I dont agree with that at all. But it is obviously bothering him. I suggested that I sell and either he buys a place for us to live in or we buy or rent together. But he says he likes living there and I also think money is an issue. So really I don't know what to do anymore. This is now day 5 of the silent treatment.

Reply to SilentTreatmentAgain
Posted by: SilentTreatmentAgain | 2013/09/12

Thanks to all for replies. Anonymous I have a question for you if I may - how exactly am I feeling 'entitled'? I asked him to please turn down his music. We live in a complex and I am always aware of the noise we might make. What he has since done is turn this into a 'it's YOUR house' issue. I own the house and he contributes. I have from the start told him to make himself at home and to treat the place like it is his. He has done that and I take all his suggestions on improvements and where to put this and that etc. I have NEVER EVER said to him that he needs to ask me if he can do this or that to the place and he certainly does not need to ask if he can play his music. That is just ridiculous. All I did was ask him to pls turn down the music,. I would have ask him this if it was his place, our place or any other place. it was too loud. Now hes turned it into a 'I must do as I'm told because its YOUR house' issue. So please what exactly must I suck up and what am I feeling entitled to?

Reply to SilentTreatmentAgain
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/12

My advice, do not do what the shrink says! I know if i had to do that, it would more than likely cause more of a fight than anything else. Have you tried just talking to him and asking him what the problem is? It sounds like there is a much bigger issue than what is portrayed, maybe something has been bothering him for a while and this was the 'last straw' If it carries on for longer, I would pack my bags and tell him there is no point in living with someone who you cannot communicate with, and he will probably come running back to you.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Noks | 2013/09/12

I know how you feel, he want to make you feel bad about the whole thing. My advise, leave now or prepare yourself for the same treatment for the rest of your life. You get to a point where you dont care weather he is hurt or not. Its a control thing. Trust me, I know. He will always be the victim and you always be the monster!!!

Reply to Noks
Posted by: Anonymous | 2013/09/12

Wow. If my girlfriend did what the so called 'CyberShrink' suggests, I'd be even more p1ssed off! I'd get my voice back really quickly, but my first words would be 'gtf out of my house!'. My advice, suck it up and compromise for once, don't feel so entitled, and definitely don't follow that "Shrink's" advice!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: ED | 2013/09/12

Is here even an option. Time to move on and find someone else. My goodness once in a while for ten minutes is acceptable but this is ridiculous .....

Reply to ED
Posted by: SilentTreatmentAgain | 2013/09/11

Unfortunately couples therapy is not an option. We went before for other issues and he said it was a waste of time and money so he definately wont try again.

Reply to SilentTreatmentAgain
Posted by: childish | 2013/09/11

I haven't read your previous posts but why don't you try giving him a taste of his own medicine? He is being so immature and I know you probably don't want to sink to his level but maybe that's the only thing he'll understand. He treats you like you don't exist so why not respond the same. Feed the dogs, love the dogs, make meals for only yourself and if you want to watch tv when he's listening to music - watch tv and if you have to put the sound up, put it up... I know it sounds childish and normally I wouldn't say to do this but he treats you with no respect and acts like you don't exist so you may as well show you can live your life without him and then see how quickly he acknowledges your existence when he's got no meals prepared... Are you just living together or married? If living together only then maybe its time to move on and find someone who actually treats you with respect instead of wasting your time on this Neanderthal.

Reply to childish
Posted by: Maria | 2013/09/11

What an immature man he is. Silent treatment is never the answer and 4 day of it after a request to turn down music is absolutely ridiculous. I would suggest couples therapy but he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would be willing to go. It is probably worth at least asking him about it.

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