Our expert says:
The situation you describe shows extremely bad manners on the part of your husband and his Ex and is plainly rude and deliberately offensive.
Is this a unique occurrence, or have similar things happened before ? If she knew ahead of time that both you and her bio-father were not available on that particular day then her insistence on that specific day was deliberately provocative. There is never any need for a birthday party to be held only on the day of the birth anniversary : it is very often held on a different day that suits the parents, guests and other children's parents, better. On a weekday, for instance, it may be significantly more difficult for parents of child invited to the party to drop them off and pick them up conveniently.
Your husband is apparently still scared of his Ex, or he could easily have stuck to his guns and insisted on another time for the party, and insisted that you should be invited and enabled to attend, as the stepmother, an honourable role.
On top of that, for her to insist that the party be held in your home, and using your kitchen and facilities, at a time when you are unavailable, is rude and inconsiderate. Why can't the party be held at her home ? or a neutral venue such as a restaurant ?
Are you absolutely totally unable to take some leave so as to attend ? Why not disappoint her by being unexpectedly available ? Otherwise, it would be understandable for you to say you wish them well for holding a party anywhere else if they must insist on that time, but not in your home and kitchen at a time chosen to exclude you.
What do other readers think ?
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