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Question
Posted by: Ms Unhappy | 2017/08/21

Letting go of a toxic relationship.

How do I let go of a toxic relationship? I have had a 7 year on and off relationship with this man. We have a child together. He has hurt me so many times in so many ways. From physical and emotional abuse to cheating and have used me for financial gain. I have left him many times. Then when I hear that he is dating someone else, I get jealous and impulsively want him back. I cant stand that he is with someone else, but also I don't really want him back. How do I let go of this emotional attachment to this man? This is making me miserable. There are days when I feel fine and strong and am grateful to not be in this relationship anymore as I was so unhappy. How do I prevent myself from sabotaging myself?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/08/22

Just let go. It sounds, from your description, that the central problem is your jealousy : he hurts you and causes you misery : but you'd rather put up with that, than let him go away and make someone else miserable.  And then you seem to have convinced yourself that you are unable to change this wholly self-defeating bad habit. 
It's not always easy but it is possible to change such bad habits. Try to find a psychologist with the skills to offer CBT ( Cognitive-Behavior Therapy ), a specific form of counselling, which can be especially effective in  situations like this, where it is a person's own bad habits of thought and behaviour which cause their troubles in life.  This needs to be approached like a heavy smoker, who knows how damaging it is to smoke, learning to give up cigarettes ; including getting involved in productive and wholesome activities that have nothing to do with this guy, and deliberately switching to these when you start what you already recognize as the harmful patterns of thinking about him.
Think through this absurd sense of jealousy : why can't you celebrate when he wanders off to cause misery to some other woman ? Do you really feel that all that pain belongs to you, and that you must grab it and keep hold of it ? When you hear that he has gone to some other poor woman, feel sorry for her, by all means, but don't allow yourself to feel you must somehow snatch him back.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/08/22

It's as easy as not eating chocolate cake whilst on a diet, You just don't do it

Reply to Anonymous

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