Our expert says:
It happens. Unless the person you divorce is a monster, a foul abuser and dangerous to be near, it is wise, wherever possible, to part if not as friends, at least in as friendly a way as you can. By the divorce, you made it very clear that you had clear and convincing reasons not to want to live with him any more. OK.
If you insist on making the parting very bitter, and on continuing the feud between you, that is not only unfair to him and others, but unfair to yourself --- you will waste a great deal of energy and happiness maintaining the anger and bitterness, with no benefit at all to yourself. If you refuse forever more, to go to events where he will be present, it is YOUR life you are restricting, and yourself you will be upsetting, not him.
Then you admit that the divorce occurred because YOU decided you didn't love him any more, and you, while married, "fell in love " with another man and perhaps had an affair ? Those are very understandable reasons for Him to feel angry with you, but isn't it more than a bit cheeky for you to be angry with him, because you hurt him ? Is it surprising that the family, you probably consider that You behaved badly, and that he was the innocent party in the divorce, don't want to follow your bad example and take out your anger on him bu punishing him ? Apparently he has done nothing to hurt of annoy them.
"Blood is thicker than water" is a dreadful belief. It implies that simply because someone is a blood relative, you must automatically forgive and excuse them for whatever they do, nomatter how bad, and that you must always condemn even their victims, who they hurt ?
If you are genuinely happy now with the new man, why do you continue to feel so fiercely that you and everyone you know must munish the guy you walked out on ?
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