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Question
Posted by: | 2017/12/11

Boyfriend has depression

I am in a long distant relationship with a man who makes me so happy that he manages to make my soul smile. This man on many occasions of late has also managed to make me so unhappy by the way he treats me and things he says when he is having one of his episodes. You see, I think my sweet love has severe depression and is possibly bipolar. I must also admit that I myself supper from periods of severe depression where I spiral and fall into self destructive habits. The last two months my boyfriend has had a very tough time with everything that can go wrong, going wrong including a sudden decline in his health. This has caused my boyfriend to sink into an even deeper depression which has put a massive strain on our relationship. Everyday has been a massive struggle to reconnect with him, as he goes deeper into his depression. I am trying so hard to standby him but I am going deeper into my own depression. Its has become such a toxic environment for both of us that one minute we come up for air and are moving forward but shortly after we take 10 steps back. We regularly have massive blowouts over the silliest things, which end up with us crossing the line by triggering each other, ending with both of us spiraling deeper into a depression. I know its is the depression but I do not know how much longer I will be able to hold on. I love him with everything of mine, but I need him even a little to give me some reassurance that he wants this relationship and not just someone as a security blanket and more often than not, a punching bag that will keep taking it. I want to be there for him, be his rock but I feel as if all I do is give and not get anything in return, no support, love, compassion and I am afraid that I am falling deeper and deeper into my own depression and I am falling alone with no one to catch me. I no longer can hide my depression from friends and colleagues, my work is starting to suffer and I am seriously on the verge of turning to drug use to help me cope. my biggest fear is that he will hurt himself and I do not want that to happen, but it will have to be at the risk of my own mental health and sobriety. I think I secretly am hoping that he will be the one to save me but it is starting to seem like that may never happen. I am constantly feeling so much and I just want to not feel for just a while, I just want to breathe for a little while. I am sinking and for moments, I do want to drown.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/12/11

Someone who is close enough to you, and knows you ell enough to make you happy, is also ideally placed to make you feel bad.  If he has possible psych problems, he needs to see a good shrink for a proper assessment to identify the problems and discuss possible treatments.
There are many possible reasons for someone to behave in the ways you describe,  usually not bipolar disorder.  And remember that not all sadness is Depression.
If he is experiencing a severe Depression, it is his responsibility to see a psychiatrist or at least a good GP, privately or through a state hospital or clinic, to get assessed and treated.
 Leaving it without proper treatment is unfair to both of you. The same applies if you suffer from depression. A mutually toxic environment isn't good for either of you, either. Love is important, but in this sort of situation, it often is not enough.  You should never accept being a punching bag.
"Drug use" never ever helps anyone to cope with anything. That's merely an occasional illusion.
Why not discuss this frankly and calmly with him, and agree that you each need to get help and sort yourselves out, and that in the meantime you are not being good for each other.  Each of you needs to save themselves, before you can have any realistic chance to save yourself.
Each of you, get the proper help you need and deserve




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