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Question
Posted by: Angry | 2013/02/27

Q.

Husband left me while pregnant

my husband and i had serious mariage probelms, and i ended up saying the wrong things and he decided to leave me during my pregnancy. is there a way that i can put a restraining order against him. since he decided to leave me in my condition then i dont want him near my children. i am angry and bitter. and want nothing to do with him. i just want him to pay for maintenance through a debit order and have no contact with him. the kids will be alrights he was never in their lives anyway and my unborn child doesnt even know him. soi really want this guy out of my face because he has hurt me too much and shamed me by leaving me in such a desperate time. please advice where to i go to. in the mean time i am waiting for him to give me the papers.

Expert's Reply

A.

Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2013/02/27

There's really no justification for abandoning a woman during pregnancy, even if she said some hurtful things while under the influence of the hormones of pregancy.  But its not clear what you would be seeking the restraining order for.  If he has left, you presumably don't want an order forbidding him from approaching you, when he apparently doesn't intend to do that.

Its not clear from your message, but it sounds as though he and you have existing children together, and you want to ask the court to forbid him from approaching them ever ? I doubt very much that this would succeed.  However much you and he may have hurt each other,  the court is supposed to decide such issues on the basis of what would be best for the children.  And they're not YOUR children, any more than they're HIS --- their individual interests are what is supposed to count.

A maintenance court can decide what would be the fair amount of maintenance for him to pay, and would require him to pay this, but would not make it conditional on him seeing or not seeing the kids. Unless there was convincing evidence that he was abusive or harmful to the kids, they should not liomit his contact. And if he is as uninterested in the children as you say, he may not want to see them much, and might even become more insistent on doing so if you tried to ban him from doing so.

And to anyone else with any sense,  this guy has shamed himself by what he did, and has not shamed you.

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3
user comments
Posted by: ANGRY | 2013/02/28

Thank you very much,

Reply to ANGRY
Posted by: Cyclist | 2013/02/28

He obviously hurt you very badly but you probably didn't help the situation.Are you sure you cannot patch things up ! I would definately not advise you to prevent him from seeing your children,he is after all their father.Too many women use this as a weapon to hurt the ex BUT it is really not the answer. Make sure he pays maintenance and you get your share from your joint estate etc but please,don't use the children as a weapon to control him.If he abuses or mistreats them,then that is a different matter.

Reply to Cyclist
Posted by: Purple | 2013/02/27

A restraining order is something you get to prevent someone coming within a certain distance of you because of the threat of physical harm. Since you say he takes no part in any of the childrens' lives, it doesn't sound like you need to do anything to keep things this way. Access to children and maintenance are separate issues, access to children can't be denied if maintenance isn't paid. Go through the courts to get mainatenance for the children. Most times, its beneficial for the children if every effort is made to encourage a relationship with their father, if he is the one who fails to take part, they will over time see this for themselves and when he does want to be a part of their lives are unlikely to let him in.

Reply to Purple

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