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Question
Posted by: Dd | 2017/09/26

No attention from my husband

Ww have been married for 17 years. 3 years ago we had our son and it just feels like our marrige is going downhill since. My husband gives all his attention to our son. Tells him constantly how muxh he loves him. We went on holiday and there is not one holiday pic where i am in it. We had a date night wich was an epic fail. We stayed at home where hubby cursed at his laptop for not working. So i did not arrange one again. I feel lik just packing up and dissapearing. They wont miss me. With our sons birthday i wasnt even present when he opend his gifts. Not when he blue out his candles. In laws took pictires and shuffed me to one side. I feel unloved and wanted. Everyone is just so tired all the time. Feel like i am walking on eggshells all the time. I am to scared to tell or ask hubby anything because things get turned aroind and then i am the bad guy. I jist need the support and love back that i used to get. I feel like a person that just cleans and cooks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/09/26

Hello Dd,
Packing up and disappearing won't benefit anyone at all, and your son needs and deserves his mom and dad to be around him. What you are describing sounds frankly peculiar. It's unusual for a father to become so dotty about his child, but that wouldn't be a problem were it not for the extremes you describe of excluding you. Does he not realize how harmful what he is doing will be for the child you should be joyously sharing ?
On the boy's birthday, how were you not there when he opened his present or blew out the candles ?  Did they rush to do this when you for some reason were not around, perhaps when you went to the loo ?  
How can they manage to "turn things round" and make you seem the bad guy ?  If you are being excluded, you can hardly be doing anything wrong ?
It sounds as though there must be something more, something deeper, going on here.
Aside from the focus on the child, what else has been going on between you and your husband ? What does he blame you for, what does he get angry with you about ? You say you used to get support and a reflection of your love : when did this change, and what else was happening around that time ? 
Ideally, the pair of you need to get together in marriage counselling to explore, understand and remedy all this.  If he refuses, at this time, to sincerely take part, it might be valuable for you to see a personal counsellor, to explore all this in detail, and plan ways to change this for the better.

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