advertisement
Question
Posted by: Antoinette | 2014/05/13

How do I eventually get over the effects of domestic violence after I have escaped?

It's been seven years now since I have escaped from the monster with my son's help. Yet I still get the shivers when I think of him an I often get nightmares about still being with him and being abused by him. On the one end I still fear him, but on the other end I hate him to the extent that I could easily empty a gun magazine on him if I owned a gun, and if I got the chance. To explain exactly what I went through would require that I write a book, but the worst was the physical and sexual abuse and the fact that he caused me to lose my job and then forced me to stay without a job, so he basically paralysed me financially so that I was dependant on him for food and shelter. Irony was that he didn't want to work, so we were homeless for long periods during the seven years I was with him. He would sit in parks while I had to go onto the streets begging, telling the people lies about how "my husband lost his job because of affirmative action". The intensity of the physical abuse on any particular day depended on how much food and money I could get from people on that day. We criss-crossed the entire country hitch-hiking. The only province we never got to was Limpopo. He was a Code 14 driver, and during the times that he was in fact employed I was forced to be with him in the truck all the time. Being in his presence 24/7 was hell. I had to always play everything his way. People sometimes ask me why I've allowed it, and why I didn't just leave. Fact is, it is more difficult for an abused woman to escape from that situation than it would be for a paralysed person to swim across the cold Atlantic Ocean. I was constantly threatened that he wold kill my son and my mother if I should ever try to leave him. If only I could realise what a coward he really is, it would have been easy. But I mentally and emotionally I was so broken down that I couldn't think for myself. Eventually the very person he wanted kill came to my rescue - my son. I have since recovered to some extent, I have a job and a place to live and should soon have a car again. But Sometimes I wonder whether I will ever recover completely. I am only about half the person I used to be. I have at last found the guts to file for divorce, but I live in constant fear that he is going to ambush and abduct me on my way to work in the morning or on my way home at night. I have to walk quite a distance between home and work.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement