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Question
Posted by: | 2017/09/22

Boyfriend breaks up with me each time we argue

I have the most wonderful boyfriend. He is a great man, and I love him dearly. I don't want to lose him. But each time we argue, over what should have been a tiny disagreement, he treats me with absolutely no respect, refuse to speak to me, walk away when I speak to him, and then breaks up with me. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm pushing him to this level and it's all my fault. Or whether it's manipulative and controlling behavior from his side which I really shouldn't tolerate. If he breaks up with me I should just let him go. All I know is that it hurts me no end that he can so easily just discard me over a tiny argument. Please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/09/25

Well, there's nothing lovable about these childish reactions to disagreement which you describe.  They sound almost like a child's tantrums. But why on earth would you think it could be "all your fault" ?  Apparently he can't ( and needs to learn the necessary skills ) or won't ( he has sufficient skills, but can't be bothered to use them )  His behaviour does seem to be manipulative and controlling : apparently it controls and manipulates you into feeling guilty when he chooses to do it. You say it hurts you greatly, which is unjustifiable. It surely shows no respect for you or for your right to have your own opinion or to express them.
And when you ask whether the next time he "breaks up with you" you should jut let him go : this implies that so far your usual response has been to pursue him, to NOT let him go, to struggle to get him back. Maybe he chooses to indulge in these tantrums because he knows you will run after him and try to please him.  This is not the behaviour of a "great man".
What do other readers think ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/09/28

LOL Well I am the guilty partner here with a husband that screams and swears and loses it over every little thing so each time I want to divorce him and I really mean it, then I forgive him and he does it again....so we have a wonderful relationship where I am suicidal and he is on edge as he calls it. Forget him and move on he'll make your life a misery like mine is. And yeah he was great in the beginning and I loved him too. Prob is I don't earn enough to leave him and he doesn't earn enough to leave me. Marital Bliss - stay aware. Trust me on this.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: ED | 2017/09/27

Hi, sorry to hear. Unfortunately this behavior is not going to improve. Life is too short to be unhappy and I really feel in cases like this you should just move on and find someone who respects you. Best of luck

Reply to ED
Posted by: Anonymous | 2017/09/25

It does indeed sound like manipulation to me, as well as very immature. He is not such a nice man at all if this is how he keeps you "in line" You are right that you should not tolerate it, because this is a sign of things to come. You are also right that you should let him go. It will either give him the shock of his life and he will stop his nonsense, or, you will know exactly where you stand with him.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Jenna | 2017/09/23

It's extremely immature that he cannot have an argument without throwing a hissy and breaking up with you. How long have you been together, do you live together? Next time stay broken up with him for a while and see ic he'll then be willing to talk about his actions. And he possibly needs therapy to learn better conflict skills.

Reply to Jenna

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