Our expert says:
All kids at times express hatred towards their parents ( and others ). Doing so over something as totally trivial as wanting you to buy her a horse suggests she is truly spoiled and has no realistic concept of life, prices, and responsibilities. What was she demanding ? A horse, and a stable, and mounds of horse-feed, and a stable attendant to look after the horse, and a saddle, and a place to ride it, and, and, and ?
Its not a question of CONFRONTING ( a term that is dangerously popular these days ) but from the sound of it there are a range o issues that you need as a couple to discuss calmly with her - how she feels about being adopted, that no child has any RIGHT to expect to get everything she fancies, especially not something as large as a horse, and how we cope with the financial and realistic limitations on how much of what we might want, we can get.
Suggest she start doing more chores around the home in return for a very modest increase in pocket money, and start saving up for a horse and all the attendant costs, and put her through the exercise of costing it - the prices of horses, feed, accomodating them, saddles, and so on. And then maybe she can calculate how long it might take her to save up to be able to afford that. Maybe she'd get a horse sometime before she retires ?
Don't take the "I hate you" comment too much to heart - its an expression of sudden anger, not a carefully calculated evaluation of you as a parent.
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