Posted by: Debbie | 2009-04-16

7 months and yawning in the bedroom

My bf and I have been together for 7 months now. We are very happy together (known eachother as friends for 12 years)
We are very much in love, and possess a great understanding of eachother.
BUT... I get bored in bed.
No. 1, I always initiate sex - it feels strange to always be the one wanting it. I' d really love it if he' d also just grab me, or at least let me know that he too wants it (and me) and that he isn' t just doing it to shut me up.
No. 2 Sex always seems to be in bed... and at night. There is no passion in our day other than if we go to bed.
No. 3 He sometimes suffers from PE (The duration varies with position etc) We have roughly sorced and checked out medication. But I feel he should be the one to buy it, as I don' t want to pressure him in that regard. What do you think Doc? Would it be a bad idea for me to buy him the stuff? Just for the odd occasion, as we are dealing with the issue with tips from your site.
No. 4 He doesn' t know how to engulf me into an act. Sometimes I just feel like I' m a doll, and he' s just pounding away at me, and I could seriously just fall asleep...

I am afraid that this will affect us. I love this man, but I can just see us having a pathetic sex life the way things are going at the moment.

Can better sexual habits be taught, what can I do to help?

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Our expert says:
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yes, sexual habits can be taught through reviewing literature / websites on the matter. please see the following website:

if the website's content regarding intimacy, PE and arousal cannot be correctly conveyed to your partner than you can phone our helpline for the number of a counsellor, psychologist you can assist you further. the number is: 0860 100 262.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Debbie | 2009-04-16

Hi G-Man,

My bf has never been different to what I desrcibed. We have however only been together for 7 months now.

I think we maybe all have different sexual needs and desires. Ours obviously more so than our partners.

Reply to Debbie
Posted by: DEE | 2009-04-16

Oh dear. thats the thing, women are far more complex than men. A woman can easily just stop having sex and it has nothing to do with the actual act itself. I have had years of not wanting to have sex and just doing it because I had to and now that my kids are less demanding I find myself wanting to feel more sexy and so wanting to have really great, satifying sex. Looking back, the things that made me feel distracted from wanting to have sex were things like " the daily grind"  ie having to wake up early sort kids out rush to work, rush home, cook etc I would be too tired to still have to deal with being romantic, then of coarse there is the very big one: not feeling attractive. This is such a typical problem. If I think I am really fat and revolting then of coarse I dont feel like one of the "  -|- cat"  dolls. Its a really shitty feeling because its so hard to come out of it if you actually are fat and revolting. For women generally its alot more personal than for men - not taking anything away from you but that is generally the case.
Solution?: Who knows - try making her feel gorgeous - lay off the pressure to have sex even for up to 2 or 3 weeks. She will come back with passion.
How old are you guys?

Reply to DEE
Posted by: G-man | 2009-04-16

Do you mind if I ask you ladies a question? I' m a man myself, but in a similar position as you. I always try to initiate sex, but succeed maybe once every two weeks if I' m lucky.

My question to you is this: Has the problem that you' ve mentioned here always been a problem, or did you hubby or bf just one day stop to initiate sex?

The reason why I' m asking is that I feel I' m about to completely let go of the sex part from my side to see if she will at least somewhere some day maybe try to initiate it from her side. We had a great sex life for about 8 months... but after that it just crumbled. I have talked to her many times, and in any way possible that you can think of: From very caring and understanding, a factual approach to being down right almost nasty and straight to the point, and everything inbetween. My " let go"  is a last resort before I let her go... because I just can' t function like this.

I' m a very good lover. I' ve read almost about anything there is about foreplay, sex and afterplay... And she still enjoyes the benifits of that every single time, but my problem is the amount of sex we have with once maybe every second week. This is way way to low for my libido... So I do understand how you ladies are feeling.

Reply to G-man
Posted by: DEE | 2009-04-16

Its more of a ship than a boat guys. I have been married for 11 years and since I am a little older now and want sex more often I have realized that my husband, who really loves sex and will really do it anywhere I want, keeps going until he is done - not me. So whether that is 5 minutes or 10 minutes - its all about him. How charming!!! Only time it goes on longer is when he has had too much to drink and cant get an erection. Thats when I think he thinks he is in some kind of a movie because then he is amazing with oral sex but then I dont get to have intercoarse now do I? I dont have a clue how to change it and he knows how I feel.
It makes me want to have an affair but I am way too scared to. Too self conscious as well - too many stretch marks from babies etc. Its a no win situation.

Reply to DEE
Posted by: Van | 2009-04-16

Debbie and Nicci, I have the same problem... once a month, if I' m lucky, in bed, lights off, me on top because otherwise it' s too much effort for him.
I' ve spoken to him frequently about it, and we' ve discussed it nicely, but his excuse is that he has too much respect for me and feels that just pouncing on me is a betrayal of his love for me (This confuses the hell out of me... surely passion is also necessary?)
I' m worried that I just don' t do it for him anymore... his whole attitude has changed and I think he' s just with me now because it' s convenient and he' s scared of being lonely... Anyway, I feel incredibly frustrated sexually, because I love him deeply and passionately, and would like to get physically close more often, but he' s just not interested. Maybe I should just buy a vibrator...

Reply to Van
Posted by: jimbo | 2009-04-16

nicci and debbie dumb question but do you ladies talk to your men about your problems and do they try to better the situation because frankly this seems to be a common problem with lots of marriages b/f ..g/f [CUMUNICATION]

Reply to jimbo
Posted by: Nicci | 2009-04-16

I am in the same boat! I honestly think that there is no real way of changing him, trust me i have tried with my husband but he is just not interested! its very frustrating yes, we also only do it in bed, lights off, missionary style once or twice a month! I sometimes think (although i dont think its normal) that some men are just like this! A little on the selfish side too. Good luck

Reply to Nicci

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