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Question
Posted by: Wondering | 2008-11-21

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Yes, leaving someone you love for bad sex isn' t a good enough reason. It' s easy to say, just leave the guy but no marriage or relationship is ever perfect. You might find another man, but then there will be other problems. So coping/dealing with the problem is very important.

Once or twice a month is better than nothing. Is there are big age difference between the two of you? You said your sex life before marriage was great. How long have you been married for?

Men IMO weren' t invented for monogamy, so it takes effort from his side. If life is overall tough, people just tend to not make the effort at that time. But maybe once you are on holiday you can rekindle the love which also leads to better sex. Make sure you do romantic stuff again, awake those old feelings in him, that he realizes what he is missing

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Our users say:
Posted by: Also frustrated | 2008-11-21

Ya I know what you mean. For now, I know that' s what he needs. A good holiday. He really has been working very hard. But I still worry that things will remain the same, even after the holiday. But I probably shouldn' t be so negative. I' m sure we' ll get somewhere. Even if it' s 3-4 times a month, I' ll be happy.

Thanks once again for lending an ear. Sometimes I think that hald the frustration is that we feel alone, and as if we have no one to talk to about it. So I appreciate your help.

Well...wish me luck! :)

Reply to Also frustrated
Posted by: Wondering | 2008-11-21

Another thing. If you initiate, you have to also accept that he may decline, so don' t be too hard on yourself. See, even if you initiate and he turns you down, it really doesn' t mean you are doing something wrong. You should definately not feel bad about it. It' s like trying to open a door that you know can be locked or unlocked at any given time. Trying to open this door doesn' t make you a fool if it doesn' t open. You are still the same person. I know its easier said than done, people are the easiest hurt by those close to them. But you should really not see it as a fault on your side. You are pretty cofindent about your looks, be confident about your abilities too. Putting yourself down is only going to make you feel bad about yourself.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Wondering | 2008-11-21

No problem. Sometimes we get stuck and maybe someone else can help us to get back on track.

I know the feeling of being busy at work and its also late in the year and most people just long for the holidays. Even the fittest of us sometimes lose our desire and we just slog on and hope the week/month/year comes to an end. I don' t know if that applies to your particular situation but it could very well be. I for one have little energy during the week and weekends is where I get back on track. Holidays also help. And also getting out of a rut, setting new goals etc

Hopefully by next year, after a nice holiday he gets back that spark and energy.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Also frustrated | 2008-11-21

1stly, I just wanna thank u 4 the support. It' s been gr8 2 have some1 to talk to.

Well, when it did start coming right, there was no specific thing that was done. It just happened. &  bcos it just happened, I guess he got his confidence back, &  so our sex life was getting back on track.
Then we got married, &  I started a form of contraception which caused me to bleed for 2 months! I think that put him off track again, and he' s been struggling to get back on track. Now he' s been incredibly busy at work, and has no time for anything else. I kind of understand that.

But at the same time I don' t get it, cos when our sex life was gr8, he was able to perform regardless of what was going on in his life. He was always horny!

There are no relationship issues. We' re a very happy couple. I think maybe the problem is me. Maybe I put too much pressure on him. I' m trying not to do that now. Let' s see how long it goes.

Reply to Also frustrated
Posted by: Wondering | 2008-11-21

When it last happened, was there something else that now, in retrospect, that could have been the culprit? If you can identify the source of the problem and what worked last time, maybe you can try it again, or something similar. Is your relationship otherwise ok? Do you want kids and he wants to wait? Many people think that relationship issues don’ t stop a man from having sex with his wife/girlfriend but that’ s simply not true (well not always). If your hubby is bothered by something, then maybe that is what’ s keeping him back. I get the same feeling sometimes. When not everything is well in my relationship, I don’ t feel like sex at all. Once that’ s sorted out, everything is back to normal. Men normally tend to not talk about it and that’ s where the problems start. Not talking about it, will not resolve it and by not resolving it, there is no sex, and sex affects the partner, so then the partner gets issues and everything snowballs.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Also frustrated | 2008-11-21

I couldn' t have said it better. Like u say...I leave him, find another man, and then the new man is a wife beater. My husband is perfect in every other way...it' s just the sex. And we used to be sex crazy! That could not have just disappeared. Some effort, trying different things, maybe seeing a therapist, and I' m sure, or I hope, he will be back.

I guess u' re right. But it' s easier said than done. It' s so frustrating to not be able to make love to my husband. No there isn' t a big age gap. We only married for a few months! That' s what makes it even worse!

We were having this problem b4 marriage. Then it seemed like it was coming right, cos we were doing it more often. Then we got married. And it' s gone back to the way it was.

I' m really looking forward to him being on holiday. I hope that he works on us &  our sex problem. I will also try a few things. I just hope that he does realise what he' s missing.

Reply to Also frustrated
Posted by: Anonymous | 2008-11-21

Agree totally with you Wondering

Reply to Anonymous

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