Our expert says:
There are no strict rules about this, but it sounds as though you have been managing a naturally distressing situation very sensibly so far. IF the boy seems to have been handling the sad events well enough so far, there's no reason why he shouldn't go to the funeral - IF, given the choice, he decides he wants to go. Forcin a child to attend or pressing them firmly to do so, is of course not a good idea. But although it may be distressing - mainly to see adults who are weeping and distressed - it is also usually useful. If a child is not allowed to attend, they may wonder what is happening that is too awful for them to see, and that's worse than the sad reality.
Reflecting on the experiences of Lola, it is NEVER a good idea to lie to a child about such things, or just not to tell them. As Lola so beautifully reports, unless we mess it up for them, children are often more practical and sensible and logical about such things, and not allowing them to join in a family's rituals and events, deprives them of something they have a right to be a part of. Thank you so much, Lola, for sharing the wisdom of your child
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