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Question
Posted by: anon | 2010/02/18

6 year old daughter saw us having sex

My hubby and I where busy having sex with our room door closed and my six hear old daughter woke up from her sleep and came looking for - she opened the door and we both just jumped - im not sure if she saw us but the moment we jumped she started crying - then she said that she hates us and was so upset - i dont know what to do - my hubby and i spoke to her and told her that mum and dad is allowed to hold and cuddle and thats what big people do - this morning she was back to her normal self - any advice please - i think she was more embarrassed than anything else.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK. Firstly, it's wise to teach all kids about privacy, theirs and yours, and that you don't walk into someone else's room without knocking and waiting for them to say "Come In".
Its not clear what upset her - what she saw, what she may have thought she saw ( some kids interpret sex as some form of fighting or violence ), or the fact that you both jumped and looked upset, and she realized she had intruded and maybe been rude. YOu have her a mild explanation, and she seems fine today - that is probably that. Significant consequences are highly unlikely.
Kids tend to take their cue from how their parents respond to events. Even after something minor, if mom and dad seem awfully upset, they get upset, too. And even during World War 2 and the bombing of London, most kids handled it well when their parents were matter-of-fact and coped, themselves.
But maybe this is, literally, a wake-up call to remind you of the importance of building on your emergency remarks, and starting to talk to her about sex, and continuing to do so. I don't like the model that sees Sex Ed as a one-off event ( when you may tell them more than they want to know ), but rather as an ongoing conversation.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/18

OK. Firstly, it's wise to teach all kids about privacy, theirs and yours, and that you don't walk into someone else's room without knocking and waiting for them to say "Come In".
Its not clear what upset her - what she saw, what she may have thought she saw ( some kids interpret sex as some form of fighting or violence ), or the fact that you both jumped and looked upset, and she realized she had intruded and maybe been rude. YOu have her a mild explanation, and she seems fine today - that is probably that. Significant consequences are highly unlikely.
Kids tend to take their cue from how their parents respond to events. Even after something minor, if mom and dad seem awfully upset, they get upset, too. And even during World War 2 and the bombing of London, most kids handled it well when their parents were matter-of-fact and coped, themselves.
But maybe this is, literally, a wake-up call to remind you of the importance of building on your emergency remarks, and starting to talk to her about sex, and continuing to do so. I don't like the model that sees Sex Ed as a one-off event ( when you may tell them more than they want to know ), but rather as an ongoing conversation.

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