Posted by: R | 2013-02-05

5 yr old

Hi CS,
Thank you for the insight and advice regarding my 5 year old. I had a chat with his teacher this morning and we will meet on Friday to further discuss the problems and find a solution. She is very approachable and understanding.
I am deciding to take your advice and find a child psyhologist anyway.
I am now getting so worried about him going to Gr 1 next year and not fitting in well, so really want to sort him out now.
He does get disciplined at home for specific wrongdoings, but this is so rare, but as you say, we are different in different environments.
I am feeling so anxious now, and in some ways I feel like I have failed, although I know I do my best.
This morning when I left him at school, after the chat with his teacher (he heard everything we discussed), he looked a bit remorseful, but somehow I feel I can''t trust him to maintain that for long enough. I also made him repeat some rules he needs to follow for the day, on the drive to school.
We did come down on him hard yesterday, and he never ever challenges us, but I never know if he understands his wrongdoings as much as we explain to him, in great detail, what to do when found in a particular situation, and why his own actions that have landed him in trouble is wrong.
There was a time when I thought his behaviour is typical of a boy his age, but I don''t know anymore. What more can I, as a single mum, do to better my child''s attitude when he''s not with me? (He always makes friends when we go out and gets along well with others)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thanks for the followup. I know its hard for you not to do it, but try not to be excessively concerned, as this in itself can upset a sensitive child. Sounds like this teacher may be really useful. Try not to get so anxious - maybe even to the point of getting a couple of sessions of counselling for yourself, to help get more grounded and calmer. You have not failed, not at all. You are doing well, and you're a normal mom with a normal kid.
Lets see what the child shrink says

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Our users say:
Posted by: R | 2013-02-05

Thanks Maria, you right, definitely not for the fainthearted!
And you right about everything else too, the issues need to be dealt with at the time they arise.
At the old school I found I was constantly discipling him at home for things that happened in school, and eventually I changed schools. The complaints appear to be the same, thus my concerns, but I am waiting to see what the teacher brings to the table. as I say I don''t see these things at home.
I am concerned as I donot want this to go on into Gr1, so if I have to take him to a child psychologist in order to teach him to express himself appropriately, I will do it. (I just don''t know how I failed in this regard)

Reply to R
Posted by: Maria | 2013-02-05

I have found that teachers expect parents to sort out problems which are in fact classroom management issues. I''m not saying the parent should not get involved, but it''s up to the teacher to implement appropriate consequences for bad behaviour at school. At 5 it still works best to implement the consequence immediately, and not wait until mom comes to fetch the child from school. You can preach at home until you''re blue in the face, unless the teacher does her bit your son may well continue on as he has been doing.

I think you need to talk to his friends'' moms and ask about their kids'' behaviour. Every time I do that I realise that my daughter''s behaviour that bothers me is in fact age appropriate and common. Don''t beat yourself over the head for perceived bad behaviour, first find out if he is as unique as you think he is.

Good luck, raising kids is not for the faint hearted!

Reply to Maria

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