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Question
Posted by: Pixie | 2012/02/20

5-yearold being badly influenced at his pre-school

Hi,
I am currently dating a wonderful man with two beautiful boys. One of them is 5 years old. The 5-year old was recently caught at school literally with his pants down together with another 5 year old girl looking at each other''s private parts. I understand this is probably normal curiosity for his age, but he is also being exposed to other children who know far too much for what is age appropriate.

He came home one day describing in detail to his older brother what french kissing is and how it works. He was punished for his behaviour at school, but how do you get him to stop referring to french kissing? How do you teach your children what those things are about while they are being exposed to such things in school and in a lot of cases in an inappropriate way!!

We (the boys'' father and I) are very discreet when we are together and the children are never exposed to any romantic intimacy that we share. We know for sure that he is not picking up these things from home.

In essence, how do you undo the damage!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes kids get a kick out of shocking their parents, and once a word or phrase is identified as a hot button, they may use it annoyingly often. I wonder whether his repeated use of the phrase relates to however his parents / the adults reacted to it when he first mentioned it ?
Anyhow, its highly unlikely there has been any damage, as such encounters are enormously less damaging than many adults suppose.
But maybe your very discretion at home may not actually have helped. In my experience, kids are much fascinated by the forbidden, and much less bothered about things that are accepted mater-of-factly at home.
Sex education happens, whether you like it or not - if it isn;t done by you, starting early and building progressively, it WILL be done by other kids, and in a smutty and inaccurate way.
Search online for some good books to help parents teach kids about sex in an age-appropriate way, and there are some excellent ones available.
Start talking calmly and sensibly with the children about sex and also the broader issues like what one does responsibly when one is curious about something ( they will come and ask you, if they trust you to be accurate, honest, non-judgemental, and not to scold them for raising embarrassing topics ) ; how to deal with peer pressures, and how the kids at school who seem to know it all have often got it right, and are not generally worth listening to.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Pixie | 2012/02/21

Thank you CS and Liza,

I think even with changing pre-schools stuff like this will probably happen anyway. He is in a very good pre-school, nothing wrong with his education, he is going strong in Grade R so far and he has a healthy environment there otherwise. It''s just one or two trouble makers who the school is aware of.

Thank you for pointing out the fascination with the " forbidden" . My boyfriend is raising him conservatively and is strict about those things so I think I''ll have to talk to him about the possibility of getting age-appropriate books. We can read it to them like a bedtime story perhaps. The older brother is 8 years old, doesn''t openly show any interest in such matters, but it might be a good idea to start them on something.

Reply to Pixie
Posted by: Liza | 2012/02/20

If he''s being exposed to this kind of think in preschool, it''s definitely time to change preschools - especially if the supervision is so poor that he gets the opportunity to do these kinds of things.

Perhaps it''s a good idea to seek counseling for the child. That way the behavior and the reasons for the behavior can be discovered to improve the situation.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/20

Sometimes kids get a kick out of shocking their parents, and once a word or phrase is identified as a hot button, they may use it annoyingly often. I wonder whether his repeated use of the phrase relates to however his parents / the adults reacted to it when he first mentioned it ?
Anyhow, its highly unlikely there has been any damage, as such encounters are enormously less damaging than many adults suppose.
But maybe your very discretion at home may not actually have helped. In my experience, kids are much fascinated by the forbidden, and much less bothered about things that are accepted mater-of-factly at home.
Sex education happens, whether you like it or not - if it isn;t done by you, starting early and building progressively, it WILL be done by other kids, and in a smutty and inaccurate way.
Search online for some good books to help parents teach kids about sex in an age-appropriate way, and there are some excellent ones available.
Start talking calmly and sensibly with the children about sex and also the broader issues like what one does responsibly when one is curious about something ( they will come and ask you, if they trust you to be accurate, honest, non-judgemental, and not to scold them for raising embarrassing topics ) ; how to deal with peer pressures, and how the kids at school who seem to know it all have often got it right, and are not generally worth listening to.

Reply to cybershrink

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