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Question
Posted by: Love | 2012/06/01

4months relatinship

Hi.

My story is a bit long, sorry for that.

I need help i am dating this guys for 4months now and things have been really smooth until recently. When i met him he told me he is separated from his wife and gave me reasons why he thinks divorcing his wife makes sense, his family and friends are aware of this. He moved out of his house shared with his wife and lives with parents. In the early stages of our relationship he said he really dint care what people might say if they see him with another woman(me) while on divorce process and he assured me that i wont have to feel like the other woman. Things have changed now he comes up with excuses everytime we need to go do something together e.g he needs to pick me up after doing my monthly groceries from the mall what he does? He comes up with a long story how his dad or mom need him to run an errand blah blah. This past weekend he denied me in front of his friends because its not time yet to tell his friends about us. He wanted to come up with yet another story and i told him i am not going to stand for another story so he picked me up with his friend and his friends wife and i had to pretend we are distant cousins or something stupid like that. I confronted him about this on Sunday and he argued with me and left my house on tuesday i called him and he told me he needs his space and i said good then come pick up your staff at my house and he did, till today he has not called or sms''ed me for us to talk. Do i call him and ask if we can talk this over to see if we can part our ways or do i just leave it at that and move on as if nothing ever happened? Another surprising matter is that i am so casual about this " break up"  .It took me almost 12months to get over my previous boyfriend and i kept on going back to him until i got sick of myself for doing that.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

ALWAYS, ALWAYS be cautious about dating anyone who is still mmarried, whatever they may say about how they're thinking of divorce. They are not legally , socially or emotionally free to enter into a sincere relationship, and you don't know what went on in the marriage, as you hear only his story.
And he insists on keeping his affair with you secret from his friends ? And you didn't smell a rat ? Its obvious he is lying to everyone else about you - surely he's likely to also be lying to you ?
Why on earth are you now having second thoughts about your very late but wise decision to tell him to leave ? What is there to usefully talk over ? He has clearly been using you - are you eager to be used further ?
See a counsellor, as you're repeating the same bad pattern as before, sticking to a bad choice in men, and refusing to allow yourself to move on.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Ann | 2012/06/01

A word of advise from a woman, men can differentiate between sex and love, basically they can have sex with any woman without having feelings for them. He is going through a hard time in his marriage not a divorce, you should have backed off until he is divorced from his wife, instead you made a choise to have an affair with him. Relationship that starts like these never last, and If he can cheat on his wife with you he will do it to you. Affairs with married men never ends well.

Reply to Ann
Posted by: vee | 2012/06/01

stop waisting your time sisi and move on he''s a player dont even try to call him once a cheather always a cheater.

Reply to vee
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/01

The relationship is over, move on.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/01

ALWAYS, ALWAYS be cautious about dating anyone who is still mmarried, whatever they may say about how they're thinking of divorce. They are not legally , socially or emotionally free to enter into a sincere relationship, and you don't know what went on in the marriage, as you hear only his story.
And he insists on keeping his affair with you secret from his friends ? And you didn't smell a rat ? Its obvious he is lying to everyone else about you - surely he's likely to also be lying to you ?
Why on earth are you now having second thoughts about your very late but wise decision to tell him to leave ? What is there to usefully talk over ? He has clearly been using you - are you eager to be used further ?
See a counsellor, as you're repeating the same bad pattern as before, sticking to a bad choice in men, and refusing to allow yourself to move on.

Reply to cybershrink

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