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Question
Posted by: Mini Mouse | 2012-07-12

38 year old male virgin - WTF??

Hi there,

I have a male friend and he doesn''t look interested in males or females. He confessed the one night that he is a virgin.

I have never met a man (or woman for that matter) that is not interested in sex ... in fact, I know men as horny creatures. How is this possible?

(and I really do believe him)

A-sexual, maybe? Gay, but in denial, maybe? He can''t be shy... the urge for sex is stronger in men than shyness. So, how do you explain this?

He did say that he obviously masturbates, so there is a bit of a lust inside of him - he is not totally dead LOL!

Guys, please help out here. It freaks my mind out.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The range of normal sexual expression is about as wide as you can imagine. Society may fill its newspapers with those whose over-active libidos get them in trouble, but we are seldom exposed to those who have no desire at all, or for whom sexual activity plays little or no role in their lives. There is however a significant minority of people who actively identify themselves as Asexual. An Asexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction to another person. This category is considered an orientation, like heterosexuality, or homosexuality, and is different from celibacy which is the choice to abstain from sexual activity even if there is a sexual attraction. Asexual people may still have a libido, and so this may explain why your friend masturbates. The important question is whether he is happy with his current state or not - would he like a sexual relationship or is he a happy without it.
What is interesting here, is how disturbed you are by the prospect of your friend’s sexless life. We often find it troubling to contemplate a person who is potentially non-sexual, the stigma attached to them may indeed be even greater than other sexual orientations. However, I would imagine that your friend’s happiness is your primary concern, so find out what he would like, then you would be in a better position to help.
Anthony - SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

9
Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2012-07-16

@ Dean

Don''t mess with the people. Just vanquish them already.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Dean | 2012-07-16

@ Mini Mouse

Gaan worry eerder oor jou muis as wat jy oor ''n ander se tril worry.

As dit buite werking bly is dit sy storie. Dalk wil he nie stoot - miskien non word.

Reply to Dean
Posted by: MINGAZ | 2012-07-13

aaaag...O YA HLANYA...YOU JUST WANT TO INTIMIDATE THIS POOR MAN...IF HE CHOOSES TO STAY LIKE THAT,THEN LEAVE HIM ALONE...

Reply to MINGAZ
Posted by: XXX | 2012-07-13

LOL..... you are so right there,it is rather mind boggling

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Mini Mouse | 2012-07-13

I am not " concerned"  about it at all. It is just a mystery to me, that is all. I know men as very sexual creatures, so it is mind boggling to me.

Reply to Mini Mouse
Posted by: XXX | 2012-07-13

I would agree that it is certainly unusual but why are you concerned about it,if he is happy,leave it.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Mini Mouse | 2012-07-12

huh?

Reply to Mini Mouse
Posted by: Donald | 2012-07-12

He must be healthy at least.

Reply to Donald
Posted by: sexologist | 2012-07-12

The range of normal sexual expression is about as wide as you can imagine. Society may fill its newspapers with those whose over-active libidos get them in trouble, but we are seldom exposed to those who have no desire at all, or for whom sexual activity plays little or no role in their lives. There is however a significant minority of people who actively identify themselves as Asexual. An Asexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction to another person. This category is considered an orientation, like heterosexuality, or homosexuality, and is different from celibacy which is the choice to abstain from sexual activity even if there is a sexual attraction. Asexual people may still have a libido, and so this may explain why your friend masturbates. The important question is whether he is happy with his current state or not - would he like a sexual relationship or is he a happy without it.
What is interesting here, is how disturbed you are by the prospect of your friend’s sexless life. We often find it troubling to contemplate a person who is potentially non-sexual, the stigma attached to them may indeed be even greater than other sexual orientations. However, I would imagine that your friend’s happiness is your primary concern, so find out what he would like, then you would be in a better position to help.
Anthony - SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com.

Reply to sexologist

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