Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-28

3365 answer to yr query from a woman who " know' s" 

Dear hubby - what to make of this...

What your wife is doing may or may not be anything " bad" , but the fact that she is not doing it WITHOUT you is cause to worry.
I did the same, and I didnt hide anything (i.e. underwear) because deep down my marraige was over and I wanted a valid excuse other than " I was unhappy" . I wanted to get caught!
I cheated on my husband for almost a year and he picked up on all the signs, including the new underwear I bought which I claimed was for him.
My best advice to you having been in this situation, getting caught and picking up the pieces afterwards, is to play open cards completely.
You need to put her in a situation where she doesnt feel threatened or attacked, and where she wont feel that her confession will have you freaking out. It is going to be hard for you to remain calm and collected and keep your composure, but if you want the truth, that is what you will have to do, otherwise she will continue to lie so as to not hurt you or create further drama.
When my hubby took on a different approach with me, I was able to confess and it was a huge weight off my shoulders - know that as much a burden as this is too, it is greater for her...if she is in fact having an affair.
Best of luck to you!

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-30

Dear hubby - my sincere sympathies...really!

When I was in the thick of my affair, I was very selfish and switched off and lying came so naturally it was almost scary. If you want this marriage to last, I implore you to get through to her somehow!!

I don' t know you, the kind of man you are or what your relationship is like, and God knows I know how unfair it is when one party is lying and the other trying desp to make heads/tails of things...and of course, when to trust or to trust/believe at all, but if you believe there is a chance, at least fight....if not just once.

This is my hubby' s 2nd marriage, and we have a child, so we have been determined to get thru our s**t and I will admit, it is not easy for either party, but time is a healer.... If you feel you can get through to her, learn to trust again and see a way thru all this and be happy, then give it that chance, but decide on your game plan first and don' t take more than punch or you' ll end up going back time and time again. You shouldn' t be her doormat regardless of the circumstances and you shouldn' t settle for second best.

Also, if she is seeing another man, you need to know if they are being careful, as your health and welfare is also at stake here (if you and wife are still intimate) and not just the question of parting ways.

I really wish you the best, as I know what it feels like from both ends of the stick, having been cheated on and being the cheater.
And I hope you resolve the situation quickly as dragging it out will only create more anguish for yourself.

Sadly, once you do leave her, she' ll eventually wake up from her " bubble"  she' s in right now and regret losing prepared for that as well!

All the best hubby!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Hubby | 2009-05-28

Dear Anonymous
Thanks for your advice but I think she is not capable of telling the truth. To be honest, I have caught her out so many times lying to me and hiding thingsw from me that I am now at a stage where I am ready to pack my bags.

To Ja, thanks for your comment as well but you dont know any of us so keep your smeering comment to yourself. Probably your type that she " was/is involved with"  as# ##le.

Reply to Hubby
Posted by: Ja | 2009-05-28


Reply to Ja
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-28

Typo - I meant that whatever she is doing, she is doing it WITHOUT you.

Reply to Anonymous

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