Our expert says:
Much of this sounds like fairly normal oppositional behaviour for a child of that age, and extraordinarily unlikely to persist into her teens ! At an early age like this, a child discovers the fascinating fact that they can assert themselves and say NO, or simply ignore instrictions.
A child psychologist would be able to advise you in detail as to how to out-manoeuvre the child.
Relax- a child can sense when mom feels anxiety and lacking in confidence, and automatically takes advantage of that.
Pick your battles, don't sweat the small stuff. When something is really important, you can use the approaches shown on Supernanny and similar programs. And exploit her attempts to be assertive. Instead of insisting on brushing her hair, and letting her defy you by refusing, open an argument about whether YOU will brish her hair, or whether SHE will - it assumes that the hair must get brushed, and whichever she decides, you win. Similarly, don't argue about her geting into your choice of dress today - debate whether she'll choose the red dress or the dreen dress - it doesn't matter which one she chooses, but she wins by choosing either one, and you win because she wears a dress, anyway
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