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Question
Posted by: Dike | 2010-02-24

23 Year Old GF

Hi all,

I am a 24 year Male. My recently moved in with my 23 year GF again. We used to live together until she found a job that required her to move to Bloem. She has since come back and every aspect of the relationship is good, except for one.

She does not like having sex and when we do have it (twice a week), it''s always my initiatives. I''ve spoken to her about it a couple of times, and she gives reasons such as me wanting it too much, her not being a sexual person, her not being in the mood, etc.
Our relationship outside of sex is not too bad. We work in the same industry, I sometimes help her with her work, school, cooking, cleaning. I''m no Will Smith, but I would like to believe I''m an attractive young man.

Cheating is not an option as I am naturally an honest person. I have tried everything from talking to her, flowers, massages,etc she is just not interested. I do not think she''s cheating.

What more can a guy do? We''re both in our early 20s, we should be having the best sex...

Some mature advice would help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Though you don't say it explicitly, it sounds as though this relative disinterest in sex is significantly different to her feelings and attitude when you used to live toghether ?
If so, then the puzzle is why this has apparently changed significantly. I'm pleased that you rule out cheating, which never solves problems, but creates or complicates them.
There's really no way to find out or deal usefully with this problem other than to sit down calmly and quietly talk it over with her. Make it clear that you're making no accusations or complaints, but that you're puzled and seking to understand why her attitude towards sex seems to have changed.
Are there other changes tyou'vbe notived, in her mood or behaviour ?

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Lovie | 2010-02-27

She''s overworked and tired. She must maybe just take two or three days off. And her sexuality will come back. Take her out for a nice dinner (only the two of you). And it that doesn''t work go out with friends and she maybe would appreicate you more.You can buy a sex for dummis book and see some of the advice they give you. I was like her.

Reply to Lovie
Posted by: Dike | 2010-02-26

Hi Anon,

While I''m fully cognisant of the significant need for me to give as much attention to her needs as possible, I also do feel like good sex involves her communicating her desired thoroughly and clearly. I do not think it''s fair on men to automatically assume where women would like to be touched. Women are different, in fact some don''t even like being touched at all.

If she is unable to communicate her needs clearly, then it cannot simply put said that I do not know where to touch her.

Reply to Dike
Posted by: Anon | 2010-02-26

I wish I didn''t have to say these things, but I find men are wrongly convinced that it''s normal for a girl to only climax every now and then. That''s not true and some like to use that as an excuse to have as little " work"  as possible. Girls just take a little more time (sometimes a lot more time), so men should be patient and try not to rush things. Communication and learning how it works for each girl is the key. Let her show you and be prepared to focus a lot on her during foreplay. But don''t make the mistake of touching just her legs and breasts etc. That will turn her on but it won''t bring her anywhere close to an orgasm. Many girls will be so frustrated with your not knowing where to touch that they will even question themselves if they have any " deeper undelying issues" . They have to trust you for things to work. Our minds are very powerful and they play a big role too. So the more you prove you can do it for her, the better things will work out.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Dike | 2010-02-25

Hi all,

Thank you very much for the replies.

Cybershrink, I really have not noticed any significant changes in her behaviour towards me or the relationship, except in the sexual aspect. She does touch and kiss me, but never seems inclined to engage in sex.

Anon, I get what you mean, however I do wish to state that she sometimes climaxes when we have sex, though not always, which is normal. She could not be enjoying it as much as I think she does and I wouldn''t know if that is because of my performance or if there''re deeper underlying issues.

Thank You!

Reply to Dike
Posted by: Anon | 2010-02-25

Sometimes the problem with young couples is that men are not aware that they are simply not good at it yet (only because it''s good for you, it doesn''t mean it''s good for her) or they only think about themselves when it comes to sex. It''s a shame many girls have to pretend they are happy, when in fact they are really frustrated. It''s probably not so bad at first when they are madly in love, but after a while all the excuses to avoid sex might start (headaches, etc). Make sure this is not the case. I can''t imagine a young girl who''s happy with her sex life not wanting sex at least a few times a week. There must be something there that needs to be discussed.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-24

Though you don't say it explicitly, it sounds as though this relative disinterest in sex is significantly different to her feelings and attitude when you used to live toghether ?
If so, then the puzzle is why this has apparently changed significantly. I'm pleased that you rule out cheating, which never solves problems, but creates or complicates them.
There's really no way to find out or deal usefully with this problem other than to sit down calmly and quietly talk it over with her. Make it clear that you're making no accusations or complaints, but that you're puzled and seking to understand why her attitude towards sex seems to have changed.
Are there other changes tyou'vbe notived, in her mood or behaviour ?

Reply to cybershrink

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