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Question
Posted by: Worried Mom | 2012/09/04

2 young children participating in oral sexual behaviour

HI
My 5 year old son and a classmate was involved in playing sexual games of an oral nature.
We talked to him about it, the teacher did, the head of department did and he school psychologist spoke to him. By now he understand what they did was wrong and he feels very guilty about it.
Is it necessary to send him for counceling and create more awareness of the problem?
I am very very confused. I know all parents want to believe their children are innocent, but I truthfully know he did not learn that activities from myself and my husband.
Please Doc, I need your advice...
Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Kids do play sexual exploratory games, and in terms o exploring each other and looking, its not unusla. But specific oral sex is unusual. Sounds like too many people were talking TO him, rather than WITH him, and hearing his thoughts and concerns. Guilt isn't a useful emotion.
Making too great a fuss and disgrace out of it is far more likely to cause harm to the kids than the actual acts themselves.
The broader point, which Maria also raises, is that though some kids can be creative in their play, there's a real possibility that at least one of the kids were exposed to such behaviour in the first place, by someone else an older kid or an adult.
Gentle discussion with him at times when its less of a guilt trip and crisis, may help to gently reveal if any such thing happened, which would need attention in its own right. Any reasonable suspicion that either or both might have been molested would make individual counselling from a child psychologist an appropriate referral. I'd hope that the school psychologist was aware of this possibility and would have already gently checked for this.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2012/09/04

I went to a talk hosted by our school on exactly this sort of behaviour. Apparently this is very common behaviour. They say to prevent it one should tell children that its not allowed as its not polite and its unhygienic. Then if a child suggests such a game, a child who is aware of this will say no (hopefully), a child who isn''t aware is very likely to just go along with it.
They also said that if a big fuss is made when children are caught that it can cause guilt and distress, they say to just tell the children not to do so and that''s that.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Worried Mom | 2012/09/04

Thank you, Doc and Maria
Your insights helped to give me a bit more clarity on what to do. We will take him for further councelling once the dust has settled .

Thanks again

Reply to Worried Mom
Posted by: Maria | 2012/09/04

It''s very unlikely that they came up with that idea by themselves, one of them must have been exposed to it. I would actually not make too much of a fuss, just keep reinforcing the message that your body is private and that you respect your own and other people''s bodies. If you suspect that he may have been molested then it''s worth going for further counselling. The same obviously applies to the other boy.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/04

Kids do play sexual exploratory games, and in terms o exploring each other and looking, its not unusla. But specific oral sex is unusual. Sounds like too many people were talking TO him, rather than WITH him, and hearing his thoughts and concerns. Guilt isn't a useful emotion.
Making too great a fuss and disgrace out of it is far more likely to cause harm to the kids than the actual acts themselves.
The broader point, which Maria also raises, is that though some kids can be creative in their play, there's a real possibility that at least one of the kids were exposed to such behaviour in the first place, by someone else an older kid or an adult.
Gentle discussion with him at times when its less of a guilt trip and crisis, may help to gently reveal if any such thing happened, which would need attention in its own right. Any reasonable suspicion that either or both might have been molested would make individual counselling from a child psychologist an appropriate referral. I'd hope that the school psychologist was aware of this possibility and would have already gently checked for this.

Reply to cybershrink

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