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Posted by: Lerato | 2012-01-26

&#199 ar issues

I wish to find out, does it mean I am selfish or what. I am married to my hubby for two yrs now. My car has always being problematic, breakin down n all that. I now bought a new car through his help. I am blacklistd so I did blv that I can get approval but I had been approved, he helped by goin n gettin new car with me n he took me to diffent garages. Now when weekend comes he wants to drive it like to go to his friends n funerals. I don''t belv in sharing a car, I get so attached its my baby, so I am afraid to refuse him. He also can''t get approval since he tried to buy but no luck. Our house got reposessed n we learnin to manage our money now. He uses office backkies full time but come weekend he want my car I also have plans or jus want to have rest, he has backkies n when I tel him I have plan, ud see him unhappy. I don''t mind borrowing him but not every weekend. What do I do.

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Our expert says:
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I he helped you get the cash to buy the car, maybe shared some of the costs, or let you use his name (so if you die or walk off, hed be responsible for paying it off entirely ) mand if its in his name so he;d get your traffic tickets, wouldn't it be fair to share the use of the car with him ? I dont understand the "approval" and other financial issues --- maybe havin taken on the debt of your car, he is not considered able to pay for a second car for himself --- if so, all the more reason to let him use it and share it. As a married couple, it sounds as though tou do all of your spare time / social activities separately ---if so, why is that ? If you were going to social events together, there would be less of a problem

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bubbles | 2012-01-30

I can''t beleive you are bitching about him using the car to go to funerals. People have DIED and you are complaining about a CAR? What the hell? My husband and I share a car- we have our own cars but we hardly ever use them both at once. You are complaining about money- you know what it''s like to NOT have money, so why is it getting in the way now? You ARE being selfish- if he can''t get his own car what is he supposed to do?

If you want to do things as a family, TALK to him and put your foot down. Unless he is holding a gun to your head, whats the problem? My husband wants things his way as well, but when I put my foot down then thats that. He does have a lot of time to spend with his friends, and me. It''s called compromising and time management.

It is a car. It loses value, while a marriage gains value. Put it into perspective and stop being so materialistic.

Reply to Bubbles
Posted by: Lerato | 2012-01-30

He usually goes alone and I also have a busy schedule with kids school sports and such but he will want to do the funerals and staff, I paid thewhole deposit of R19000.00 and he only went with me to different garages to get the car and when ever it breaks he is always there. But yaa we should get a second car, i really don''t mind paying for both cars and he will pay for the house, get so personally attached to the car. So he can have his car and I will have mine when ever I want to go somewhere its available. We will talk about it and find a way forward, at the end he is my hubby and just didn''t want us to fight about it sooner.

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: wifey | 2012-01-27

My advice to you, stop saying you can''t share a car, and its not a matter of sharing, he is your husband, that car is HIS too. You must plan your wke-end together, if you have seperate ways, that to can also be arranged.

What you are starting its going to create problems if it has not by now. Dnt be selfish, that car belongs to both of you. Even if he goes to places you never been too, you have allowed it, so be at peace, he can go anywhere he like, at the end he deserves respect. Dnt be bossy about you got an approval of the car.

Reply to wifey
Posted by: onicca | 2012-01-27

For G''s sake you are married what is yours is his and you can have one car for the fact that you mentioned you were once in debts and had a house repossed. The problem is you see things as My MY My instead of Our Our Our stop that and know that you are husband and wife and leave together happily ever after

Reply to onicca
Posted by: Lerato | 2012-01-27

Maria you are right. The problems are he likes to take his own ways and leave me behind, my wish is for us to do things together and now we fight about it all the time. I don''t like my car going to place I never go to, he has different office backkies that he can use, though they are old. So it just upsets me to see him go to places with my car but we never go out together as a family.

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: Maria | 2012-01-26

You''re married, he helped you buy the car, he has no other transport over weekends, and you don''t want him to drive it. Is that right? It sounds to me as if you two own a car together, and you need to learn how to negotiate who gets to use it when over weekends. Even though my husband and I are lucky enough not to share a car, we still know what each other''s plans are for weekends because we respect each other, prioritise time to be together, and don''t each go off on our own trip without discussing it with the other one first. From what you are describing I think there are bigger problems in your marriage than your husband driving your car.

Reply to Maria

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